The Guidance

The focus of this chapter is primarily the Qur’an, but I will not just present the information in an adult-oriented manner. I will also provide a breakdown by children’s age groups. From this chapter, you will learn how to demonstrate the truth of the Qur’an to children aged 6–9, 9–13, and 13+.

 

I will begin with an explanation for adults (ages 13+), as you must understand it before conveying it to your child. A parent must be 100% confident in what they are teaching. This is crucial because even the slightest uncertainty is immediately noticeable. Children share a special bond with their parents: they immediately sense hesitation, doubt, and indecision. That is why it is critically important to strengthen your knowledge and communicate it to children calmly, confidently, lovingly, and with absolute certainty.

So, how can we prove that the Qur’an is indeed the final, true revelation from the Almighty? I have divided these proofs into four points:

1. The Qur’an has remained unchanged for 1,400 years.
2. Its unique style is beyond human capability.
3. It issues a challenge to humanity.
4. It contains solutions to all essential human problems, and there are no contradictions within it.

Now, let’s explore each point in detail.

 

1. The Qur’an has remained unchanged for 1,400 years

This is a powerful and critically important factor because a divine scripture must come exclusively from God. If any human had edited it, it would immediately cease to be sacred. Only the Qur’an has been preserved intact from the moment of revelation to the present; no other scripture, such as the Bible or the Torah, can make this claim.

 

How can we prove that the Qur’an has remained unchanged and corresponds to the original? It’s simple: we compare the modern Qur’an with the ancient original. We can also collect copies of the Qur’an from different continents and countries and compare them: they are identical. All Qur’ans in the world are absolutely the same.

 

The original manuscripts written 1,400 years ago will be examined shortly with respect to their current location and accessibility. But first, let me explain the story of how the Qur’an was compiled.

 

You probably know that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ could neither read nor write. The Revelation from Allah began to come to him and continued for 23 years. How was it recorded, and on what? At that time, people used various materials as writing surfaces, including animal skins, cloth, flat bones, flat stones, tree bark, palm leaves, and branches. The texts were carefully written down by close and trusted companions in the Prophet’s presence, such as Umar ibn al-Khattab, Uthman ibn Affan, and Abu Talib. By the time of the Prophet’s death, the Qur’an was complete, and the final ayah was:

 

“Today I have perfected your faith for you, completed My favour upon you, and chosen Islam as your way.” (Al-Ma’ida 5:3)

 

Later, as the Islamic state expanded, regional differences emerged in the interpretation of the Qur’anic text, which had been transmitted primarily orally or in fragments. The righteous companions decided to compile all the Qur’anic records into a single book to distribute to different regions and prevent discrepancies. This task was entrusted to the chief scribe, who had been the Prophet’s ﷺ personal secretary, Zayd ibn Thabit.

 

When Zayd collected Qur’anic leaves and other records from people, he accepted a fragment only after two witnesses swore that it had been recorded in the Prophet’s ﷺ presence and based on his words. The fragment also had to meet two conditions: 1) it was written by a companion, and 2) the companions knew it by heart.

 

Under his supervision, during the caliphate of Uthman ibn Affan, seven copies were written and sent to different regions, with one remaining in Medina. These copies are considered the originals. Have they survived until today? Yes, the copy that remained in Medina is now kept in a museum in Tashkent. Other surviving fragments are in museums in Istanbul, Cairo, and London.

 

It is a verified fact that all Qur’ans in the world are identical and have remained unchanged for 14 centuries since their revelation. Many attempts were made to alter it, but none succeeded.

 

Why does this happen? Why could humans revise earlier scriptures, such as the Bible, but the Qur’an could not?

 

The answer to the previous question lies in the second point of evidence:

2. Its unique style is beyond human capability

The Almighty Allah created something truly remarkable. While the miracles of previous prophets perished with them, the central miracle of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has endured for centuries. It will remain a living miracle from Allah until the Day of Judgment.

Notably, the Qur’an was revealed to the Arab society, which was the greatest master of poetry. Poetic composition was so popular at the time that people expressed themselves in verse on every occasion. They celebrated joy in poetry, expressed grief in poetry, and praised or criticized in poetry. Poetry competitions were held, and the most talented poets enjoyed great authority and respect in society.

In such a milieu, a man named Muhammad, aged 40, who had never expressed himself in poetry before, suddenly began to recite verses that left the most esteemed Arab poets speechless, unable to counter or respond.

The Qur’an is a literary miracle. Its composition is so unique that no living person could even compose ten words in the same style.

As the call to Islam began to spread, it quickly became a threat to the Quraysh leaders and poets. This call challenged their authority, contradicted their beliefs, caused rifts within families, and disrupted their peaceful way of life.

What did they need to do to eliminate this threat? They sought to distort the Qur’an, altering it to suit their purposes. But despite their poetic talents, they could not do it. Even as enemies of Islam, they secretly marveled at the unique verses of the Qur’an.

Three prominent Quraysh leaders: Abu Sufyan ibn Harb, Abu Jahl (Amr ibn Hisham), and Al-Akhnas ibn Shuraik, would secretly sneak, alone, to the Prophet Muhammad’s ﷺ house at night just to listen to the recitation of the Qur’an.

What drove them to do this?

One Chapter of Disbelief states that Utba ibn Rabi’ah approached the Prophet ﷺ to make a deal. He offered him wealth, power, and women in exchange for stopping the call to Islam. But in response, he heard the beautiful verses of the Qur’an.

 

2️⃣ Revealed from the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate.
3️⃣ It is a Scripture, its verses explained in the form of the Qur’an in Arabic for people who understand.
4️⃣ It brings glad tidings and warns, yet most of them turn away and do not listen.
5️⃣ They say: “Our hearts are sealed from what you call us to, our ears are deaf, and between you and us is a barrier. So work; indeed, we are working.”
6️⃣ Say: “I am only a human like you. It has been revealed to me that your God is the One God. Follow Him directly and seek His forgiveness. Woe to the polytheists,
7️⃣who do not pay zakah and do not believe in the Hereafter.”
8️⃣ Indeed, for those who believe and do righteous deeds, there is an unending reward.
9️⃣ Say: ‘Do you indeed disbelieve in He who created the earth in two days and attribute equals to Him? That is the Lord of the worlds.’
🔟 He placed firm mountains upon it, blessed it, and assigned provision for those in need in four full days. 

 

Then He turned to the heavens, which were smoke, and said to them and the earth: ‘Come willingly or unwillingly.’ They said: ‘We come willingly.’

 

Then He completed them as seven heavens in two days and revealed in every heaven its order. And We adorned the nearest heaven with lamps and protection. Such is the decree of the Mighty, All-Knowing.”

 

If they turn away, say: “I warn you of a punishment like that of the ‘Ad and Thamud.”

Messengers came to them from in front and behind: “Do not worship anyone but Allah.” They said: “If our Lord wished, He would have sent angels. Indeed, we do not believe in what you are sent with…” (Surah Explained, 2–14)

Upon hearing this, he returned to his companions and said:

“By Allah, I have heard words unlike anything I have ever heard. By Allah, this is not poetry, nor magic, nor fortune-telling! O Quraysh! Listen to me and leave this man alone. If he triumphs over the Arabs, his victory will be yours as well. If someone else defeats him, you will be rid of him through others’ hands.”

Why do I share these stories?

 

All of this demonstrates the Qur'an's distinctive literary style. Even its enemies, who fought Muslims to the death, recognized that this was a great prophecy and that no human could produce such words on their own.

 

Another example involves a man who was literate, an accomplished Arab, and yet fiercely hostile to Islam and Muslims. He would beat his slave to force her to abandon her faith. Once, he even took his sword, intending to kill the Prophet ﷺ, so great was his enmity. However, before he could reach the Messenger ﷺ, he came across a scroll of the Qur’an. Upon reading it, this fiercest enemy of Islam realized that no human could have composed such verses and said: “How beautiful are these words, how exalted they are!” or, in another narration, “The One to whom these words belong deserves to be worshipped alone.” He then accepted Islam.

 

You may have guessed who this man was: this is the story of the great companion Umar ibn al-Khattab.

 

Furthermore, I want to cite the words of modern linguists who studied Arabic, even though they were not Muslims:

 

Hamilton Alexander Rosskeen Gibb, a British Orientalist, linguist, and researcher of the Arabic language. From 1930, a professor at University College London, then Oxford University. From 1955 to 1964, professor of Arabic studies at Harvard University.

 

“The Qur’an is a colossal literary masterpiece, unparalleled in the world. It is an incomparable work of Arabic literature; as the Qur’an itself says, it has no predecessors and no successors. Muslims of all centuries agree that this book cannot be falsified, not in content nor in style…” (H. A. R. Gibb, Arabic Literature – An Introduction, Oxford at Clarendon Press, 1963)

Edouard Montet, a French scholar and linguist, translator of the Qur’an. In his book, French Translation of the Qur’an (1929), he writes:

“All those familiar with the Qur’an in its original Arabic are unanimous in praising the literary beauty of this religious text. Its form is so magnificent and unique that it cannot be adequately rendered or preserved in any European language into which it has been translated.” (Édouard Montet, Traduction française du Coran, Paris, 1929)

George Samuel Sale, a lawyer, member of the English Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, researcher of Eastern languages, customs, and traditions, author of The Koran: The Preliminary Discourse.

“The Qur’an is written universally, for all times, in the noblest and most elegant Quraysh dialect of Arabic, using the most beautiful and clear expressions… Its style is magnificent and sonorous… especially where it speaks of the greatness of Allah and His attributes, it is uniquely majestic and luxurious… The language of the Qur’an is so beautiful and skillful that it astonishes and captivates those who listen, to the point that some opponents even claimed that it possesses a magical, mystical effect.” (George Samuel Sale, The Koran: The Preliminary Discourse, London & New York, 1891)

Forster Fitzgerald Arbuthnot, a renowned British Orientalist and translator.

“From a literary standpoint, the Qur’an represents a pure example of Arabic, written half in poetic style, half in ordinary narrative. Despite the repeated efforts of the finest linguists to create something resembling the Qur’an, using rules and expressions corresponding to its most common forms and grammar, none have succeeded in achieving this.” 

This brings us to the conclusion of the second proof of the Qur’an’s authenticity: its unique literary style, beyond human capability, through which the Almighty has protected His book. All the strength and power of Islam reside in this small book. Even a slight alteration would have transformed Muslims into a manageable, obedient crowd, but it is impossible, no matter how many have tried.

“My attempt to create even a distant imitation, reflecting the sublime eloquence of the Qur’an in Arabic, which, alongside its divine message, is a literary masterpiece of humanity with its harmonious sound and rich rhyme, proved utterly pale compared to the Qur’an itself… Almost all translators of the Qur’an’s meanings neglected its unique harmony and euphony; it is therefore unsurprising that when translations are compared with the beautifully adorned original text, the former appear dull and mundane.”  Arthur J. Arberry, British Orientalist, professor of Arabic at Cambridge University, Translation of the Qur’an, Oxford Research Center, London, 1964

Of course, the Almighty Allah knew that people would attempt to alter the Qur’an. More than that, He Himself challenges humanity to try, which I have presented as the third proof:

 

3. The challenge contained in the Qur’an remains valid until the Day of Judgment

Addressing those who doubt the divine origin of the Qur’an, Allah says:

“Say, ‘If all humans and jinn were to come together to produce the equivalent of this Quran, they could not produce its equal, no matter how they supported each other.’” (Surah Al-Isra 88)

Why have people not produced a book like it? Understanding that the task is too difficult, the Almighty makes the challenge easier for disbelievers:

Or do they say, “He has fabricated this Quran!”? Say, “Produce ten fabricated surahs like it and seek help from whoever you can—other than Allah—if what you say is true!” (Surah Hud 13)

Even with this challenge, people could not succeed. Finally, the Creator makes the test even simpler:

“And if you are in doubt about what We have revealed to Our servant, then produce a surah like it and call your helpers other than Allah, if what you say is true.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 23)

 

Or do they claim, “He made it up!”? Tell them, “Produce one surah like it then, and seek help from whoever you can—other than Allah—if what you say is true!” (Surah Yunus 38)

 

Even one surah, the smallest surah, is enough.

Do you know how many words are in the smallest surah? Only ten words. Yes, Surah Al-Kawthar contains only three verses and just ten words. Yet even ten words cannot be composed in the manner of the Qur’an.

Why is this so? One Muslim scholar explains:

Abu Ishaq Isma’il was asked: “Why could the Torah be altered, but the Qur’an cannot?” He replied:

“The Mighty and Powerful Allah said about the followers of the Torah: 'The rabbis and the priests acted according to what they were entrusted to preserve from Allah’s Scripture.' (Al-Ma’ida 44) They were responsible for safeguarding the Torah themselves, which made distortion possible. As for the Qur’an, it is said: 'Indeed, We have sent down the Reminder, and indeed, We guard it.' (Al-Hijr 9) Therefore, alteration is impossible.”

Thus, we have examined three proofs of the Qur’an’s divine origin. The first is that the Qur’an has been preserved without change for 1,400 years. This is the most straightforward yet most powerful proof. No other revealed scripture can claim this. The second is its unique style, which humans cannot imitate. This is harder to convey because a person might say, “I don’t understand Arabic, so I cannot accept this as a rational proof.”

What can be said in response to that?

First of all, for anyone who wishes to know the truth with their own mind, the doors to learning Arabic are always open. Anyone who desires can do so, just like thousands of people around the world.

At the same time, humans are naturally lazy. Studying Arabic without strong motivation is unlikely. For this reason, I previously cited statements from scholars of Arabic and Quraysh poets to illustrate the challenge.

For a thinking person, these arguments are already sufficient. However, to strengthen the effect and reassure the human heart, I present the fourth proof: the Qur’an offers solutions to all vital human problems and contains no contradictions.

In the first verses of Surah Al-Baqarah, it is said: “This is the Book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah.”

Yes, the Qur’an is guidance for life; it is an instruction manual that will remain relevant until the Day of Judgment!

Have you observed how frequently laws and regulations change in modern countries? This happens because humans simply cannot foresee and solve all problems in advance. Only the Almighty Creator can. He gave us a unique constitution that will never become outdated. It has addressed human problems for thirteen centuries, despite the development of science, civilization, firearms, modern machinery, television, telegraphs, and more. The Qur’an provides guidance on the challenges of the contemporary world, including economic, political, social, and legal dimensions.

From the Qur’an, we learn how to marry and divorce correctly, how to conclude contracts, how to punish criminals, and how to interact with parents, other people, and the Lord of the worlds.

Why did I say at the start of this point that it is “for the reassurance of the human heart”? Because a person who accepts the Qur’an as a guide for life is absolutely confident that they will find solutions to any problem in this wonderful book!

And what could be better than having the Almighty Creator Himself solve your problems?

You may think that I have lost the thread since this book is about raising children in Islam. No, I haven’t. I am convinced that every parent must first raise themselves. They must strengthen their Iman and continually draw closer to the pleasure of the Lord of the worlds. Only then will our children inherit that foundation.

But in addition to personal example, it is essential to communicate verbally, monitor behavior, and provide discipline when necessary. So how do we explain the Qur’an to a child aged 6–9?

I will provide general phrases, simplified for children of this age. Remember that all children are different and develop at different rates. Some may already reason like adults, and the approach to them should be adapted accordingly. In any case, focus on the level of your child’s thinking and use the proofs presented above in ways that they can understand.

How can we simplify them?

Below are short, simplified phrases you can share with a child. Don’t tell everything at once: take it slowly so the child stays interested, remembers it well, and can later explain it back to you. Say to them:

🏆 Do you know that the Qur’an is not an ordinary book, but a miraculous, even magical one?

It was not written by any human, but by Allah Himself! How did He do this? He sent the Angel Jibreel (Gabriel) to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. The angel delivered Allah’s words to Muhammad ﷺ, who then recited them to the people, and the people wrote them down exactly as he said.

This book is the same for all Muslims worldwide. For example, in Japan, Russia, America, Germany, and Turkey, the Qur’an is identical everywhere.

The Qur’an is considered the Qur’an in Arabic and cannot be altered. Not a single word, not even one letter, can be changed.

🏆 Do you know that Allah Himself protects this book? How does He do it? No, there aren’t angels with swords and spears standing next to every Qur’an, and even when some people tear or burn the Qur’an, lightning doesn’t strike them. But Allah protects His book from changes. He arranged the words in the Qur’an in a magical order, and no human can write them the same way.

🏆 At first, people didn’t believe the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and said he made it all up. But Allah challenged them: ‘Write a book like it if you can.’ People could not, even though they were excellent poets. Then Allah said, ‘Write at least one surah like those in the Qur’an.’

Here, you can suggest the child read Surah Al-Kawthar and count the number of words on their fingers. If they don’t know it by heart, read it yourself and explain:

“This is the smallest surah in the Qur’an, with only 10 words. But these words are in a magical order. When people try to write like this, it comes out as nonsense, because the Qur’an is a miracle, and humans cannot create miracles.”

🏆 Do you know what a Hafiz is? This is a person or child who has memorized the entire Qur’an from beginning to end. Imagine millions of people in the world remembering the whole Qur’an by heart! Sometimes they gather for competitions to see who can recite it best, and Muslims from different countries read it almost the same way. Imagine how amazing it is to know the entire Book of Allah by heart! The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said that the parents of a child who memorizes the Qur’an will receive a crown on the Day of Judgment that shines brighter than the sun, along with decorations more beautiful than anything in this world!

🏆 The Qur’an is like a beam of light. When we read it, it’s as if a light turns on inside us, helping us see and understand what is good and what is bad. The Qur’an shows us the right path in life. Whoever holds firmly to it will never go astray.

🏆 There are no mistakes in the Qur’an! Not one! Many people have tried to find errors to defeat Muslims, but they could not. Often, non-believers who dislike Muslims study the Qur’an to distort our faith, but they end up realizing that the Qur’an is truly from Allah and accept Islam.

These are different variations you can use with older children. Use them sparingly! Don’t overload them with too much information at once. Always speak in a kind, friendly tone. Choose a good time, when both you and the child are in a positive mood, without anger or resentment.

It’s not necessary to discuss the Qur’an every day; once a week or once every ten days is sufficient, but ensure that it is repeated and reviewed. Three to four days after a discussion, ask your child:

“Do you remember when we talked about the Qur’an? What do you remember about it?”

Give them time to recall. Don’t be upset or frustrated if they cannot remember everything. Don’t think your efforts are wasted, or that your child is careless. No! The Prophet ﷺ said: “Children learn while playing.”

It may seem that they aren’t paying attention, but what you plant in their childhood will resurface and influence their adult life. Just as the righteous Aisha, as an adult woman, remembered and repeated verses she had heard as a child while playing with dolls.

You can discuss the same proof about Allah’s existence or the Qur’an several times. Repeating it will be beneficial.

First, it creates a routine. The child grows up in an Islamic environment, hears parental discussions, and understands that Islam is important. Second, it deepens your bond, increasing trust and mutual love. Third, it strengthens and inspires you. Sharing knowledge and teaching others enriches you and brings you closer to Allah’s pleasure.

Now, here are examples of proofs you can present to children aged 9–13. At this age, a child’s critical thinking develops rapidly: they learn to reason, ask difficult questions, and want to verify things for themselves. Our goal is not to suppress their curiosity with “just believe,” but to help them reach understanding through guiding questions, reasoning, and evidence.

⭐ Do you know the Qur’an was revealed over 23 years? Everything in it is absolutely true. It contains predictions that have already come true. For example, the story of Musa (Moses) and the Pharaoh:

“Today We will preserve your corpse so that you may become an example for those who come after you. And surely most people are heedless of Our examples!” (Surah Yunus 92)

Archaeologists indeed found the Pharaoh’s body, well-preserved after 3,000 years, 1288 years after the Qur’an was revealed. His mummy is kept in the Egyptian Museum, fulfilling the sign mentioned in the Qur’an.

⭐ The Quran states that ultimate victory belongs to Islam and its followers. These verses came when Muslims were few and persecuted, yet within 30–40 years, the Islamic state spread across vast territories. For 12 centuries, it was one of the most powerful states in the world. So powerful that the United States paid tribute in gold to pass its ships through Muslim territorial waters.

⭐ Our Holy Book contains many scientific facts and mysteries that become clearer as civilization develops. For example, in Surah Ar-Rahman:

“He merges the two bodies of fresh and salt water, yet between them is a barrier they never cross.” (Surah Ar-Rahman 19–20)

Remarkably, scientists only discovered the oceanic barrier in the 17th century. In the 1950s, the French oceanographer Jacques-Yves Cousteau documented how two water currents meet but do not mix, just as the Qur’an had described 1,300 years earlier.

⭐ Here’s a modern finding. Recently, scientists discovered that when a person lies, their frontal lobes activate. It is the area where a tuft or crest grows. In Surah Al-'Alaq, we can find:

“No! If he does not stop, We will seize him by the forelock—a lying, sinful forelock!” (Surah Al-'Alaq 96:15-16). 

Studies of the brain became possible only in the late 20th century, yet the Qur’an described it accurately long before human knowledge reached this point.

⭐ Another interesting discovery of the 20th century. In 1957, researchers found that iron has an extraterrestrial origin. Iron forms only in extreme heat and pressure, conditions not found naturally on Earth. This occurs inside massive stars, which explode and send iron to Earth as meteorites. The Qur’an already mentioned this in Surah Al-Hadid (Iron):

“And We sent down iron with its great might, benefits for humanity, and means for Allah to prove who is willing to stand up for Him and His messengers without seeing Him. Surely Allah is All-Powerful, Almighty.” (Surah Al-Hadid 25)

In this verse, the word “sent down” is expressed in Arabic as “anzalna”, which literally means “We sent down from above” or “We brought down to the earth.”

⭐ There are many other fascinating facts that people 1,400 years ago could not have known. You can also explain to your child the stages of human embryonic development in the mother’s womb (if you feel it is appropriate for their age and understanding). This is mentioned in Surah Al-Mu’minun (The Believers), verses 12–14.

⭐ Make sure also to explain that the Qur’an cannot be changed, altered, or imitated. The proofs for this were presented at the beginning of this chapter.

At this point, you may feel overwhelmed. Don’t worry, this is normal. I deliberately provided a variety of examples for different age groups to ensure that this book would be as practical and helpful as possible. I want it to serve as a guide you can keep at hand, complete with arguments, methods, and proofs that you can use for many years.

Take your time! Raising children is a slow and natural process.

For today, pick one proof from the Qur’an that resonates with you the most and explain it to your child calmly, lovingly, and in a friendly atmosphere. A few days later, ask whether they remember your discussion. Next time, you can share another proof and gradually review several proofs together.

In addition, have your child try to explain how the existence of Allah can be reasoned logically. In this way, they will gradually develop a comprehensive understanding, beginning with the origins of humanity and culminating in the Qur'an's rules and guidance for life.

Of course, family life is not a school, and maintaining a strict schedule is difficult. But for the sake of raising steadfast and God-fearing Muslims, it is necessary to set aside time intentionally.

Agree as a family that one day a week is dedicated to heartfelt conversations and discussions about Islam. What you discuss during these sessions can be guided by this book. Use different proofs at different times; don’t overload your child. For example:

●      Today: about the camel

●      Next week: about the seas that do not mix

●      The following week: about the Qur’an’s unique style

●      Later: about Musa and the Pharaoh

Always emphasize the main point: the Qur’an is a unique, unmatched, miraculous, and sacred book from Allah, preserved in its original form.

You should also explain that the Qur’an is a practical guide for life, so that children do not view it merely as an ancient sacred scroll with predictions to be recited mechanically, as some people do with the Torah or the Bible. No! The Qur’an calls us to understand its meanings, reflect on them, and implement them in daily life.

With this, we conclude Chapter Three and proceed to the practical section of this guide.

I hope that, with Allah’s help, I have presented clear methods, proofs, and techniques for demonstrating the truth of the Qur’an to children of different ages.

You now have practical tools at your disposal, ready for use. I ask Allah to help you and all Muslim parents in raising righteous children, who will, just like the companions of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, elevate our Ummah, and show the world what the best community of people should be.

As the Almighty said in the Qur’an:

“You are the best community ever raised for humanity—you encourage good, forbid evil, and believe in Allah. Had the People of the Book believed, it would have been better for them. Some of them are faithful, but most are rebellious.” (Surah Ali-Imran 110)

 

Chapter Four. Forming the Personality of a Muslim

 

While we have reached the practical part of this book, we must not forget the theory. I will periodically refer to the information presented in Chapters Two and Three, because it forms the foundation for developing a correct understanding of the Islamic personality.

 

So, where does the formation of a strong and resilient person begin? First and foremost, with self-perception. If we roughly divide all human relationships into three types, they are:

 

●      Relationship with oneself

●      Relationship with other people

●      Relationship with the Almighty Lord

In children, these relationships develop in this exact sequence. First, a child must learn to relate to themselves appropriately: to understand who they are, what kind of person they are, their place in the world, and their goals and purposes.

Allow me to explain the importance of these questions and the risk of leaving them unaddressed.

A person who does not resolve these questions in childhood will spend their whole life seeking recognition from others, proving their worth, going with the flow, or feeling like a mere speck in the ocean.

Someone who has not answered the question “Who am I?” in childhood simply will not know themselves. They will not recognize their strengths and weaknesses and, therefore, will be unable to rely on themselves when facing serious challenges. For such a person, coping with life’s shocks, insults, and attacks from others will be difficult, and at times, nearly impossible. Even minor external irritations can plunge them into despair, depression, and, may Allah forbid, even lead to suicide.

A strong and influential personality cannot be cultivated if the answers to these fundamental questions are not deeply embedded in a child’s consciousness.

 

So, how can these concepts be instilled?

Let us begin examining this process from the earliest age: from birth through age 3. The formation of a person’s self-worth starts in infancy, and even earlier, in the womb. A tiny human enters this world entirely dependent and helpless. The first years of life are wholly provided for by an adult, usually the mother.

The mother is the first and most important person in a child’s life. She feeds, warms, dresses, treats, bathes, and entertains. But that is not all. The mother is also the child’s first compass, an emotional guide. It is through the mother that the child begins to understand themselves and their place in this world.

The mother’s task during the first three years of a child’s life is to provide the highest-quality contact: to show love, care, and attention. To hug often, kiss, look into the child’s eyes, and speak many, many gentle words. Through such actions, the child begins to feel their own value and importance.

But there is one more essential practice that accompanies this and every other stage of a child’s life: it is du’a. A parent must frequently and sincerely ask Allah for their children.

Why is this so important? I will give three reasons.

First: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that Allah accepts a parent’s du’a for their child. In another hadith, it is stated: “Let each of you ask Allah with determination…”

In this regard, I will give a brief example from life that demonstrates the importance of the emotional charge in du’a.

Once, I was walking through our city past the local university. It was summer, right in the middle of entrance exams. In the distance, on the sidewalk, I noticed a woman. She was clearly very worried; her anxious appearance and the way she paced back and forth gave it away. When I approached, the woman addressed me with a request:

“Dear, please make duʿa for my daughter. She’s taking her exams right now: pray that she does well.”

I replied: “You recite it yourself, for Allah accepts the du’a of parents for their children.”

To which she said: “I am praying too, but you should also pray, because you are… (she meant that I was wearing a hijab, so perhaps my du’a would reach faster).” Yes, it was so long ago that women in hijab were scarce in our city. And it was so long ago that universities still admitted students through exams.

Now think: whose du’a will be most full of emotion, sincerity, and determination? The prayer of a mother who cares for her child with all her heart, or that of a random passerby who just happens to hear the request?

I would like to provide another example to inspire diligence in du’a. This example is our beloved Prophet, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. He prayed often, diligently, and with great persistence, sometimes repeating the same phrase hundreds of times. It is narrated by Al-Bayhaqi that on the Day of Arafah, the Prophet ﷺ, addressing Allah, would say:

“O Allah! My Ummah! O Allah! My Ummah! O Allah! My Ummah!”

many, many times. Imagine how he said this! He never grew tired, never stopped, never despaired!

This example shows us how much effort, energy, motivation, and persistence we should put into our prayers.

The second reason is that your du’as strengthen your own iman. There is a simple pattern: the more frequently a person turns to Allah, the closer they become to Him. This process yields substantial personal benefits: you become calmer, more patient, and more confident.

Why confident? It’s simple. When you are in constant connection with Allah, your reliance and hope in Him deepen. When your mind firmly believes that everything happening in life comes from the Almighty Lord, and that all solutions also come from Him, your heart is filled with peace and confidence, knowing you can overcome anything, for the Creator of the heavens and the earth is with you!

Additionally, your prayers serve as an emotional outlet through which the tension and negativity accumulated throughout the day can be released. A woman with children becomes tired both emotionally and physically. Naturally, irritation, anger, and resentment build up. What should one do with it? Pour it into your du’a. Complain to the Almighty, ask Him for strength and relief, ask for inspiration and steadfastness, and you will see that it works!

And the third reason, or more precisely, the benefit of your du’as, is the subtle connection between a mother and her child, who feels your care and prayers even from a distance. Not to mention when a mother, holding her little one close to her heart, whispers:

 

أُعِيذُكُمَا بِكَلِمَاتِ اللهِ التَّامَّةْ مِنْ كُلِّ شَيْطَانٍ وَهَامَّةْ وَمِنْ كُلِّ عَيْنٍ لَامَّةْ

Meaning: I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah to protect you from every shayṭān, every harmful being, and from every evil eye.

 حَصَّنْتُكَ بالحَيِّ القَيُّومِ الّذي لايَموتُ أبَدَاً ودَفَعْتُ عَنْكَ السُّوءَ بِأَلْفِ أَلْفِ اَلْفِ لا حَوْلَ و لا قُوَّةَ إِلا باللهِ العَليِّ العَظِيمِ 

Meaning: I entrust you to the Ever-Living, Self-Sufficient One who never dies, and I protect you from evil with the words, “There is no power and no might except with Allah, the Most High, the Most Great.”

If the child falls ill, recite over them:

 اللَّهُمَّ رَبَّ النَّاسِ أذْهِبِ البأسَ ، اشْفِ أنْتَ الشَّافِي، لا شِفاءَ إِلاَّ شِفاؤُكَ شِفاءً لا يغادر سقما

Meaning: “O Allah, Lord of mankind! Remove (from us) the hardship and heal him/her, for You are the Healer. There is no healing except Yours; a healing that leaves no trace of illness.”

These are prayers that the Prophet ﷺ himself recited and recommended for us. Also, frequently recite over the child Ayat al-Kursi and the last three surahs of the Qur’an–Al-Ikhlās, Al-Falaq, and An-Nās, to create protection against evil forces, illnesses, envy, and harm.

If you do this consistently, it forms a “magical triangle”: Allah, mother, and child. Children sense that their mother is praying for them, which helps them understand their importance and value to both their mother and Allah.

Now, let’s focus on how a child understands their own value between the ages of 3 and 7. Everything mentioned above still applies: love, hugs, attention, quality contact, and lots of du’as.

What is added?

Children at this age primarily perform actions by imitating those around them. Praise the effort, not the result! Picked up 1-2 toys? Masha’Allah! Mom’s little helper. A girl puts on a scarf like her mother? How beautiful you are! Barakallāhu fīk! Just like a little doll! If a child tries to pray with you or on their own, always praise and say du’a aloud for them: “May Allah accept your worship, strengthen your Iman, grant beneficial knowledge, and reward you with the Gardens of Paradise!”

For this age, it is typical to say, “I can do it myself!” Encourage this desire within reasonable and safe limits by assigning small tasks and responsibilities. Carry bread, wipe the table, vacuum, choose your own cup or plate, put away utensils from the dishwasher, etc. These actions help the child understand that they are capable, like an adult, and can achieve their goals, strengthening their sense of self-worth and laying the foundation for a strong personality.

 

From ages 4-5, children begin absorbing knowledge and short stories. Tell them about the Prophets and Companions, and short surahs from the Qur’an (for example, Al-Fīl or Al-Masad). The stories should be vivid and memorable, such as the story of the elephant army that attempted to destroy the Kaaba, or the story of Prophet Ibrahim, who destroyed 170 idols alone with a large hammer.

How do these stories affect a child’s self-perception?

First, they provide examples to identify with. Second, the mere fact of interaction, that a mother or father is giving attention, teaching about Islam, and sharing love for Islamic heroes, already forms in the child the understanding: “I am valuable, I am important, I am a Muslim, my parents love me, Allah loves me.”

Regarding ages 7-13, an excellent foundation for developing self-worth is the story of the creation of Prophet Adam.

If we look carefully at the story of the first human, we can see many important, inspiring, and instructive elements. But I want to emphasize that this story is not just about Adam; it is about all of us: the entire human race, since we are the descendants of Adam, and these stories should be “tried on” as if fitting them to oneself.

Let’s start with what happened even before the creation of the first human.

“Remember when your Lord said to the angels, 'I am going to place a successive human authority on earth.” They asked Allah, “Will You place in it someone who will spread corruption there and shed blood while we glorify Your praises and proclaim Your holiness?” Allah responded, “I know what you do not know.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 30)

Let’s reflect on this message. The Almighty tells the angels that He will create humans and make them His representatives on Earth, i.e., vicegerents or deputies. After the angels asked questions and expressed concerns about humans’ qualities and behavior, Allah responded: 

“I know what you do not know.”
 What does this tell us?

It indicates that humans are worthy of being vicegerents. Allah highly values humans and entrusts them as vicegerents on Earth.

 

“Do you not see that Allah has subjected to you whatever is in the earth as well as the ships that sail through the sea by His command? He keeps the sky from falling on the earth except by His permission. Surely Allah is Ever Gracious and Most Merciful to humanity.” (Surah Al-Hajj 65)

In this ayah, Allah confirms that He has subjected everything on Earth to humans: animals, plants, and the entire inanimate world. He has also subjected us to all that lies beneath the Earth's surface. Animals are used for riding and carrying loads; they perform hard labor, and their meat and other products are later used. We also benefit from trees and their ripening fruits, which we can plant and harvest only by Allah’s mercy.

We also use mines and quarries to extract valuable minerals. Allah has taught us to build ships and subjected the seas and oceans to us. These ships carry us and our goods from one country to another. From the seabed, we gather treasures used as ornaments. By His mercy, Allah prevents the heavens from collapsing onto the Earth. 

Without His boundless power and mercy, the heavens would have already fallen, destroying all life on Earth. Indeed, Allah is compassionate and merciful toward people. He shows us more mercy than our own parents. He desires only good for us, while humans often desire harm for themselves. Yet, it is by Allah’s mercy that we are granted dominion over the Earth.

And so it was planned even before humanity was created. What happened next?

You likely already know, but let’s carefully revisit the story, as it contains great power and wisdom. Allah commanded the angels to gather clay from different parts of the Earth. Then the Almighty mixed this clay with water and shaped it into the human form, breathing into it His spirit. Immediately after giving life to the human, Allah ordered the angels to bow to Adam as a sign of respect and honor.

Pay special attention: this event is mentioned in six different ayahs of the Qur’an. This repetition is not accidental; when the Qur’an repeats a point multiple times, it indicates its immense importance:

“Surely We created you, then shaped you, then said to the angels, 'Prostrate before Adam,' so they all did—but not Iblîs, who refused to prostrate with the others.” (Surah Al-A‘raf 11)

“And remember when We said to the angels, 'Prostrate before Adam,’ so they all did—but not Iblîs, who refused arrogantly.” (Surah Ta-Ha 116)

“Remember, O  Prophet, when your Lord said to the angels, 'I am going to create a human being from sounding clay moulded from black mud. So when I have fashioned him and had a spirit of My Own creation breathed into him, fall down in prostration to him. So the angels prostrated all together—but not Iblîs, who refused to prostrate with the others.” (Surah Al-Hijr 28-31)

“And remember when We said to the angels, 'Prostrate before Adam,' so they all did—but not Iblîs, who protested, 'Should I prostrate to the one You have created from mud?’” (Surah Al-Isra 61)

“And remember when We said to the angels, 'Prostrate before Adam,’ so they all did—but not Iblîs, who was one of the jinn, but he rebelled against the command of his Lord. Would you then take him and his descendants as patrons instead of Me, although they are your enemy? What an evil alternative for the wrongdoers to choose!” (Surah Al-Kahf 50)

“And remember when We said to the angels, 'Prostrate before Adam,' so they all did—but not Iblîs, who refused and acted arrogantly, becoming unfaithful.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 34)

Just imagine this scene!

Powerful, strong, and mighty angels, beings created from light, able to fly, immortal, who do not need food, drink, or rest.

Authentic hadiths tell us that the angel Jibril has six hundred wings, with the distance between each pair comparable to the distance from the east to the west. There are angels carrying the Arsh so enormous that the distance between their earlobes and necks equals seven hundred years’ journey. There is an angel whose voice we hear as the thunder during storms, and the lightning we see is his fiery instrument used to drive the clouds. Also, tell the child about Israfil, whose role is to blow the Sur on the Day of Judgment. At that blowing, all living beings on Earth will die, and all non-living things will be destroyed.

 

These compelling creations bowed before a simple human, who is mortal, sinful, forgetful, and impatient. He had done nothing yet: not good deeds, not sins, but the Almighty commanded respect and honor for him simply because he is HUMAN!

And this applies to all of us, not just Adam. In Adam, the angels bowed to all humanity, including you and me.

Did these stories not reach us to show just how highly the Almighty values humans?

Another proof that humans are the most magnificent of creations comes from the Qur’an:

“He created the heavens and the earth for a purpose. He shaped you in the womb, perfecting your form. And to Him is the final return.” (Surah At-Taghabun 3)

 

“Indeed, We created humans in the best form.” (Surah At-Tin 4)

How can one not value or love oneself after hearing the story of our origin? But that is not all.

Allah’s love, kindness, and mercy toward humans are evident at every stage of life, both in Paradise and on Earth. How He prepared the Earth for human life, made it fertile, and made fruits, herbs, and berries tasty and beneficial. The Almighty periodically granted humans knowledge of how to live so that they might return to Paradise. But the most striking demonstration of Allah’s love for humans, in my view, was when He forgave Adam for his disobedience. Despite violating a direct command, Allah forgave him after his repentance and seeking forgiveness!

These stories have reached us in the Noble Qur’an and hadiths. Why do you think?

Every ayah, every word, and even every single letter in the Qur’an has profound meaning and immense wisdom. Reflect on the story of our origin. Consider how important it is for every person to understand their value and to feel loved. This is important not only for children but also for adults.

This understanding instills great hope and provides confidence and calm. Knowing that the Almighty loves and values you provides such strong inner support that no life challenges, obstacles, or trials can break a person.

So, dear parent, I want you first to realize that we, humans, are the best of Allah’s creations.

Right now, tell yourself: “I am a beautiful creation of the Almighty Creator! I am one before whom the angels bowed in prostration! My Lord loves me, He elevated my lineage, and He wants me to enter Paradise!”

 

Repeat these words regularly, especially when you feel low on energy, motivation, or life force.

Remember that this mindset should not be confused with arrogance or pride. No! These are entirely different things. Allah does not love the arrogant. Pride led to the terrible sin of Qabil (Cain) and prevented Iblis from bowing to Adam. Stay away from such tendencies. What I have described above emphasizes the high value of humanity as a whole, not that one person is superior to another.

Next, you need to convey these thoughts to your child. We want to raise strong, confident Muslims who love Allah and His Messenger above all else!

What expressions can you use to explain these ideas to a child aged 7–10? For children older than 10, you can speak more maturely.

As supplementary material, you can acquire a children’s book with the story of Prophet Adam. But this is only a help; the leading role is yours: talk, narrate, explain, and be patient!

Ask: “Why do you think people have different skin colors? Some are black, some are white, some are red, and some are yellow. Some people have big, almost round eyes, while others have narrow, slanted eyes. Noses are different, too.” Then tell the child the hadith:

“Allah created Adam from a handful of soil collected from the whole earth. The children of Adam correspond to this; some of them are white, some are red, some are black, and some have intermediate colors. Some are soft, others hard, and others intermediate. Some are evil, others good, and others are in the middle.” (Ibn Kathir)

 

This hadith indicates that people have different characters, and that this is also a sign and mercy from Allah. Explain to the child that differences among people are normal, which will help them accept the uniqueness and particularities of others.

 

Next, say: “Allah intended to create humans and make them masters of the Earth. That is, the Earth and everything on it that Allah created for us, for people. He entrusted it to us, and this is our amanah. Amanah denotes a significant trust that must be treated as the Creator commands. We can use all resources on Earth, but we must do so correctly and responsibly. We should not waste natural resources; for example, we should not waste water unnecessarily or kill animals for recreation, but it is permissible to kill animals for food. There are also plants and animals whose use may be forbidden, and knowing these limits is also our responsibility before Allah.”

“Do you know that in the Qur’an, verses state that Allah created humans in the best form? What do you think ‘the best form’ means?”

Discuss slowly. Give the child time to think. Do not rush or give your own answers immediately. For a thought or opinion to form, it needs time. Explore each idea separately with the child and enjoy the process.

The three ideas above can each be discussed separately: all humans are different; the Earth is our amanah. Humans are created in the best form.

Later, I will present two additional ideas on prostration and forgiveness, but do not rush to cover everything at once, as this book will remain with you for many years. To raise a strong, confident Muslim personality, you need to act gradually, focus on one small topic, and then move to another. In this way, the child’s mind will develop in an orderly manner, and ideas will form correctly.

Now, the story about prostration. First, a warning! Do not mix in the story of Iblis. You may want to tell it, but it is better not to do so yet, as it will shift the focus. Our goal is to instill the thought that Allah loves and values humans, while the act of shaitan carries a different message: danger of pride, envy, and arrogance. You can tell that story later.

Say to the child: “Imagine that after creating humans, Allah commanded the angels to prostrate to him! Just imagine this scene: huge, powerful angels prostrating before an ordinary human.” At this point, you can briefly explain a little more about angels, as I did a few paragraphs above.

 

You can suggest that the child draw this event without depicting faces or act it out with soft toys to help them visualize it more vividly. Emphasize that this was a sign of respect and honor not only to Adam but to all humanity, including you and me.

A few days after this conversation, at a suitable moment, ask: “Do you remember we discussed the story of human creation? Why do you think Allah commanded the angels to prostrate to Prophet Adam?”

One more idea to help the child understand and feel Allah’s love and mercy: Say to them, 

“Allah gave humans reason and the ability to choose. He allowed Prophet Adam and his wife everything in Paradise except the fruit of one tree. Once, they disobeyed Allah and ate the forbidden fruit. Because of this, Allah sent them to Earth, but Adam and Hawa recognized their mistake, sincerely repented, and Allah forgave them. Do you see how important it is for a person to correct their mistakes and not repeat them? We all make mistakes and sin; Allah created us that way. He watches over us and wants us to seek His forgiveness and mercy and to strive not to sin. Then, inshaAllah, we will return to Paradise with our ancestor, Prophet Adam!”

This is how, dear sister or brother, you can help a child understand the answer to the question: “Who am I?” Arm yourself with ayahs and hadiths not only from this book but also from other sources, use my hints, and expand on the ideas. Act methodically, calmly, and with long-term consistency.

Raising children is like building a big and beautiful castle from small bricks. Do not expect quick results. The child may remember your words in 2, 5, or even 10 years and benefit from them. However, if you start these conversations now, on the topics presented in this book, you will soon notice your child begin to think more deeply. Their thoughts will move in the right direction, and they will start to ask questions about Allah, the Qur’an, the Day of Judgment, the Prophets, life, and death. This is a clear sign that the process has begun: an indication that they are thinking and analyzing the information.

We now move on; it is necessary to teach children how to build relationships with others. In this topic, we need to distinguish between relationships within the family—with parents and close relatives—and relationships with friends, classmates, or ordinary people around them.

Let’s begin with relationships with parents.

 

Note immediately that grandparents are also considered parents, since according to Shariah, the mother of your mother or father is regarded as a mother, and the same respect is required. We will base this discussion on two ayahs:

 

“We have commanded people to honour their parents. Their mothers bore them in hardship and delivered them in hardship. Their period of bearing and weaning is thirty months. In time, when the child reaches their prime at the age of forty, they pray, “My Lord! Inspire me always to be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instil righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit to Your Will.”(Surah Al-Ahqaf 15)

 

“For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them even ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully. And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.’” (Surah Al-Isra 23–24)

How do you convey the meanings of these ayahs to a child?

Start with your own example. If you speak disrespectfully to your parents, adopt a harsh tone, raise your voice, show neglect, or even utter a seemingly harmless “uff,” children will consciously or unconsciously imitate your behavior and attitude. Therefore, to fulfill Allah’s commands, we must first follow them ourselves and then guide our children to do the same.

Say to the child: “You know, in the Qur’an, Allah commands us to treat our parents well, and this is fard (obligatory). Even if they annoy or irritate you, you cannot even say ‘uff.’ Do you know what this ‘uff’ means? In what situations and contexts is it used?” Give them time to think; do not rush their response. You can return to this conversation later.

So, what is the meaning behind the simple word “uff,” and why is it forbidden to say it to parents?

The essence of this word is irritation, dissatisfaction, and a desire to remove an annoyance. Clearly, anyone who says “uff” is showing ingratitude, both to their parents and to Allah. Explain to the child that in Surah Al-Isra, showing kindness to parents immediately follows the command to believe in monotheism.

“For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents.” (Surah Al-Isra 23)

This highlights the immense importance of this command. To make it clear, you can say: “Allah gave life to humans so that we choose the right path and enter Paradise after this life. The most important command from our Lord is monotheism: worshiping Him alone; without this, entering Paradise is impossible! Good treatment of parents is one of Allah’s essential commands, and in the Qur’an, it comes immediately after the command of monotheism. Therefore, kindness to parents is one of the main rules of life. Disobedience, irritation, rolling eyes, or saying ‘uff’ contradicts this kindness.”

We can also find excellent examples of good treatment of parents in the stories of the noble companions and scholars of our Ummah.

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas, when he embraced Islam, faced strong opposition from his mother. She said to him, “What is this religion you have accepted, abandoning the religion of your parents? By Allah, immediately abandon this new religion of yours, or I will stop eating and drinking until I die! Your heart will break with grief for me, you will be overwhelmed with painful despair for what you have done, and all people will shame and blame you until the end of days.” Sa’d pleaded with her not to do this, but she carried out her threats and began fasting. The noble son came to her every hour, begging and urging her to eat and drink a little to maintain her strength. Still, each time she categorically refused his requests, repeatedly swearing she would not eat or drink until she died or until he renounced his religion.

Then he said to her: “O mother, as much as I love you, my love for Allah and His Messenger is even stronger. By Allah, even if you had a thousand souls and died a thousand times, I would never leave my religion.”

This is an example of a son’s pure and intense love for his mother and good treatment of her despite her disbelief. He did not turn away from her, but continued to visit and care for her.

Another instructive story involves Abu Hurairah and his mother. He was a Muslim, and she was a polytheist, and he repeatedly tried to invite her to the proper path, but she persisted in her ways. One day, she became tired of his invitations and spoke ill of the Prophet Muhammad.

What did her son do?

He did not insult her in return or try to defend the Prophet’s honor. He left the house in tears and went to the Noble Messenger. The Prophet asked him:

 “What has upset you, Abu Hurairah?”

He replied: “I tirelessly invite my mother to Islam, but she refuses. Today, when I invited her again, I heard her say bad words about you. I ask you to pray to Almighty Allah to guide the heart of Abu Hurairah’s mother to Islam.”

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ answered his prayer and called upon Allah.

Then Abu Hurairah narrates: “I returned home and, seeing the door open, heard the sound of flowing water. Just as I was about to enter, my mother called: ‘Stay where you are!’ Then she dressed and solemnly proclaimed: ‘Come in!’ When I entered, my mother said: ‘I bear witness that there is no deity except Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His Messenger.’”

With tears in his eyes, as an hour before, he returned to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. But if the first tears were of despair and sorrow, now they were tears of joy and happiness. He exclaimed:

“Rejoice, O Messenger of Allah… Allah has answered your call and guided the mother of Abu Hurairah to the true path of Islam.”

See how patient and kind treatment changes people and softens their hearts!

Here is another wonderful example from the lives of the Tabi‘un, narrated by Muslim from Umayr ibn Jabir. Tell your son or daughter the story of a man about whom the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that his prayers were accepted by Allah due to his respectful treatment of his mother.

Umayr ibn Jabir reported: “When reinforcement from the Yemenites came to Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, he always asked them: ‘Is Uways ibn Amir among you?’ This continued until he met Uways. Umayr asked: ‘Are you Uways ibn Amir?’ He replied: ‘Yes.’ Umayr asked again: ‘From the Murad tribe and Qaran clan?’ He replied: ‘Yes.’ Umayr asked again: ‘Did you have leprosy, from which you fully recovered except for one spot the size of a dirham?’ He replied: ‘Yes.’ Umayr asked again: ‘Do you have a mother?’ He replied: ‘Yes.’ Then Umayr said: ‘I heard the Messenger of Allah ﷺ say: “Uways ibn Amir, who suffered leprosy but was fully cured except for one spot the size of a dirham, will come to you with reinforcements from Yemen. He has a mother, toward whom he shows respect. When he swears by Allah, Allah ensures that his oath is fulfilled. If you can, have him pray to Allah for your forgiveness!”’ So Uways prayed to Allah for the forgiveness of Umayr.”

Tell your child these examples patiently. Do not get angry or despair if the child is rude, rolls their eyes, or shouts.

How to handle such situations:

1. Do not let it slide
2. Stay calm
3. Speak in a firm, confident voice: “Do not speak to me like that!” “You should not talk to a parent this way,” “Do not shout at me: this is haram or forbidden by Allah,” or “Watch your tone!” Your sentence should be short, clear, and without hysteria.

If you remain calm in conflict situations, your child’s state will also stabilize quickly. Remember: the mother is an emotional compass, a guide.

Now let us turn to relationships with other people, specifically the topic of friendship. This is a delicate issue, especially for those living in European countries or where there are very few, or no Islamic communities. Children need friendship and peer interaction, and for this reason, they may fall into bad company. As before, we base this discussion on hadiths and ayahs:

 

“O believers! Take neither Jews nor Christians as guardians—they are guardians of each other. Whoever does so will be counted as one of them. Surely Allah does not guide the wrongdoing people.” (Surah Al-Ma’idah 51)

This ayah is a warning about the influence of those around you. This influence will appear whether you want it or not, and it occurs gradually and imperceptibly, like the parable of the frog slowly boiled without noticing.

While preparing material for this book and speaking with sisters in America and Europe, I noticed a worrying tendency. Muslims often speak approvingly about the behavior of non-Muslims toward them and Islam in general, praising respect, patience, and tolerance, even suggesting that non-believers treat those who pray or fast better than some Muslims. I urge you not to be deceived by their sweet words and false smiles, and especially not to form friendships with them. The Qur’an contains many warnings regarding this:

“And beware of the Day the wrongdoer will bite his nails in regret and say, “Oh! I wish I had followed the Way along with the Messenger!’” (Surah Al-Furqan 27–28)

This verse addresses the bitter regret associated with friendship with disbelievers. Perhaps in this life it may be fun and engaging for them to be together, but on the Day of Judgment, they will become enemies:

“Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous” (Surah Az-Zukhruf 43)

 

Prophet Abraham, peace be upon him, said:

 

“He said to his people, “You have taken idols for worship instead of Allah, only to keep the bond of harmony among yourselves in this worldly life. But on the Day of Judgment, you will disown and curse one another. Your home will be the Fire, and you will have no helper!” (Surah Al-’Ankabut 25)

There are also many hadiths on the topic of friendship. Here are a few:

It is narrated by Abu Hurayra that the Prophet ﷺ said: “A person follows the religion of his close friend, so let each of you pay attention to whom he befriends.” (Told by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi)

In another hadith, the Prophet ﷺ said: “A good friend is like a seller of musk: even if you do not buy the musk, you cannot avoid its fragrance. A bad friend is like a blacksmith: even if you do not get soot on you, the smell of smoke will stick to you.” (Told by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Ibn Hibban)

Here is also a beautiful du’a from our beloved Prophet ﷺ: “O Allah, indeed I seek refuge in Your protection from a bad day, a bad night, a bad hour, a bad companion, and a bad neighbor.” (Told by At-Tabarani)

From these texts, we can confidently assert that friendship is a crucial aspect of our lives and should not be underestimated. Especially during the formative years, adolescents are strongly influenced by society and friends.

First, let’s break down the concept of friendship itself. These definitions should be explained to a child to ensure a clear understanding. Friendship is a relationship with another person or group of people that involves trust, acceptance, respect, and influence. Friendship is like a mirror: through other people, a person searches for and sees themselves.

Draw the child’s attention to the meaning of the word “acceptance”. It means complete agreement and approval. That is, if you are friends with a disbeliever, it means you are agreeing with their view of life, i.e., their disbelief.

Also, consider the word “respect.” To respect means to regard a person at your level or higher. In the Ozhegov dictionary, it is defined as acknowledging another person's merits and achievements and honoring them.

Ask the child: What is the most crucial achievement a person can have in life? The very first and foremost achievement above all others? Even if a person achieves something in sports, studies, or public activities, that achievement is meaningless without it. 

They will likely understand that this refers to the Straight Path. The most important achievement of a rational person in this life is to choose the path of Islam and obey their Lord. Only after this will all other achievements be meaningful.

If your child does have non-Muslim friends, you need to convey two main points:

1. Allah forbade a Muslim from befriending a disbeliever without a purpose.
2. The main goal of such interaction should be calling them to Islam.

Provide the child with the following analogy: imagine your friend is walking toward a burning house. They do not see it, but you do. Would you not try to stop them? This is precisely the reality: every disbeliever is headed for the Fire. The Prophet ﷺ said:

 

“People sleep, and death will wake them. So wake up before death does!”

If a Muslim has a non-Muslim friend, then either one of them will wake the other, or one will drag the other into the fire; may Allah protect us from this!

If the child asks, “How can I wake them up?” start with basic questions. Discuss topics like: what is the meaning of life, why is it worth living, what happens after this life, what existed before it… Use the first and second chapters of this book as guidance. Let the child present proofs for the existence and unity of Allah, His order and laws, proofs from the Qur’an, relying on reason, miracles, and prophecies mentioned in our sacred book. Let them recite the surahs they know by heart and explain their meaning. All of this can touch a person’s heart, and with Allah’s help, it may guide them to the truth.

 

Also, remind the child of the need to make du’a for their friend, asking Allah often and persistently, because only the Almighty opens hearts and guides to Islam.

From time to time, ask them what they talk about, whether they manage to call them to Islam, and share advice in the spirit of: “In this situation, I would say this…” Do not pressure them excessively, but do not let it go unchecked.

Here, I want to urge vigilance. Despite all our guidance, children do not always listen and may act independently. The child should be trusted but periodically checked. How can this be done? Speak with the parents of their friends or with teachers, ask how they assess the friendships, who they consider the leader in the group, how the children relate to Islam, whether they practice another religion, whether your child prays obligatory prayers in front of friends, and whether they talk about Islam.

I will give an example from my own life with my eldest son. When he was 12, we transferred him to a public school. He befriended a non-Muslim boy. I learned about this from him and periodically asked about their relationship. I wondered who the group's leader was, whether he had told his friend about Islam, what they discussed, what was considered “cool” and worthy of respect, etc. Based on my son’s answers, the picture appeared favorable. As if he were the leader, respected, and that the boy was interested in Islam.

However, one day I spoke privately with their class teacher. It turned out to be very different. According to the teacher, my son was running errands for Misha, obeying him, carrying out his requests, covering up his mistakes, defending him in conflicts, and lending him money. I also recalled one strange request from my son: he wanted me to tell Misha’s parents that the electronic cigarette they found actually belonged to my son, and that I had given the money for it. Of course, I did not agree, and I explained to my son that even if you want to help a friend, lying is not the right way to do it.

I believe after this information, you, dear parent, will understand that the principle of “trust but verify” must be applied in life, especially if you have adolescent children already navigating “the wider world,” interacting with society, making friends, and calling to Islam. 

Pray often and earnestly to Allah that He blesses your children with righteous friends who will support each other on the path to Paradise, strengthen and help one another along this path.

If your child has Muslim friends, children from God-fearing families, that is wonderful. However, even such a group needs guidance to ensure that its interactions, games, and other activities are grounded in Islam. Otherwise, these children may end up discussing popular bloggers, films, football players, or games such as Roblox and Minecraft.

How can this be done delicately and unobtrusively?

First, show interest in your child’s life in general. Ask how they are doing, how their week went, what happened at school, what made them happy, and what upset them during the week or month. Also ask about their interactions with friends: what they discuss, what they play, and whether they argue or quarrel. For example, I set aside one day a week (Tuesday) to spend time with one child and go to a café, park, or shopping mall of their choice. In that relaxed environment, we can have heartfelt conversations.

Second, and this is most important, your child should grow up in an Islamic atmosphere at home. Conversations about Islam: about the existence of Allah, the truth of the Qur’an, the life of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, his companions, and other prophets, should happen regularly. You can read books together, read to the child at bedtime, or assign readings to discuss afterward. You can also find online courses on Aqidah and Islamic education, such as my course “Young Thinker.”

You may ask, “But what does this have to do with their friends?” Further, you will see the connection.

During conversations with your child, encourage them to share with their friends what they have read, learned in lessons, or heard from you or their father. For example, about the Qur’an, a companion, or a battle involving the Prophet ﷺ. They may say that it feels awkward, strange, or uninteresting to discuss these topics with friends.

Do not get angry or upset. Society today often views such topics as awkward. Explain to your child that we are a new generation of Muslims who have realized this truth, while others, even if they are Muslims, may not know it. Allah Almighty has obligated us to carry this call, as stated in the Qur’an:

“So, continue to remind all, O  Prophet, for your duty is only to remind.” (Surah Al-Ghashiyah 21)

and also:

“The believers, both men and women, are guardians of one another. They encourage good and forbid evil, establish prayer and pay the alms tax, and obey Allah and His Messenger. It is they who will be shown Allah’s mercy. Surely Allah is Almighty, All-Wise.” (Surah At-Tawbah 71)

Tell your child that these conversations are the best deed in the world and carry the greatest reward. This is the work of the Prophets and Messengers, which, after Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, is entrusted to us, the knowledgeable Muslims. Motivate them with the hadith: “Whoever guides to good is like the one who does it.”

I think this hadith is a good way to close the section on friendship and move on to the highest and most profound relationship: the connection with Allah Almighty.

 

These relationships are the most mature in the sense that they develop last. If a parent of a 7–8-year-old scolds them or is upset because the child is ungrateful to Allah, neglects prayer, does not like reading the Qur’an, or is generally an incomplete Muslim, that approach is entirely wrong. The child’s mind is not yet mature enough to understand the idea of eternity, strive for the Hereafter, or appreciate the blessings of Paradise.

 

Ages 7–10 are a crucial period for preparing children for this responsibility. This is the time Allah grants us, as parents, to gently accustom our children to prayer.

Think about it! Three years! Why such a long period? Can it not be faster?

Allah, the Most Wise, does not command anything without purpose. This period is needed to gradually, gently, and naturally develop the habit of prayer, establish a connection with the Creator, and strengthen love for Him.

How can we, as parents, help a child build a strong, reliable, and sincere connection with Allah Almighty?

First, periodically remind the child that Allah loves them very much, created them in the most beautiful form, desires their good, protects them, and grants them their portion in life. I wrote about this in detail at the beginning of this chapter. Believe me, it is much easier for a child to reciprocate love if they know they are loved.

Second, tell the child that there are three main feelings we must have toward Allah Almighty: love, fear, and hope. Explain the meaning of each word separately.

What is love for Allah?

It is a strong desire to please Him so that He is pleased. It is a strong desire to be close to Him, to feel a deep connection, as if He is very, very close. And this is indeed the reality.

Recite the verse to the child:

“Indeed, it is We Who created humankind and fully know what their souls whisper to them, and We are closer to them than their jugular vein.” (Surah Qaf 16)

Explain what the jugular vein is and explore it together. Tell the child that the jugular vein is the carotid artery: the largest artery that carries blood from the heart to the brain. It is located in the neck and is easily palpable. Place two fingers under the lower right jaw, gently press and listen; you will feel the pulse.

Do not rush; let the child really feel the pulse. At the same time, explain that Allah is even closer than this artery. Allah hears our thoughts, knows our desires and inclinations better than we do. Our task is to use this closeness for good, to turn to Him frequently, and maintain a connection even in our thoughts.

Additionally, share relevant hadiths on love for Allah:

The taste of faith is experienced by the one in whom three qualities appear: someone who loves Allah and His Messenger above all else, who loves others solely for Allah’s sake, and who, once saved by Allah from disbelief, would never wish to return to it, just as they would never wish to be thrown into the Fire. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim, narrated from Anas, r.a.)

 

On the day of Khaybar, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Tomorrow I will give this banner to the man through whom Allah will grant us victory; someone who loves Allah and His Messenger, and who is loved by Allah and His Messenger." That night, the companions discussed who would receive it. The next morning, they all presented themselves, hoping it would be given to them. But the Prophet (peace be upon him) asked, “Where is Ali ibn Abi Talib?” When told that his eyes were in pain, he said, “Send for him.” When Ali arrived, the Prophet (peace be upon him) spat in his eyes and prayed to Allah for him. The pain vanished utterly, and then the banner was given to him.  (Al-Bukhari and Muslim, narrated from Sahl ibn Sa’d, r.a.)

This is the love for Allah: a feeling that should be the strongest in a believer’s heart. But all feelings can fluctuate. Our task is to continually strengthen our love for the Creator. We do this through what our beautiful religion encourages: turning to Allah in du’a, reading His Holy Book, performing extra acts of worship, remembering Him through dhikr, and studying Islam, the lives of the Prophets, and their companions.

The next feeling to cultivate is hope.

Hope in Allah is absolute certainty that He is on your side, that your efforts will be rewarded, and that on the Day of Judgment He will forgive and grant you the Gardens of Paradise. This hope should shine in your heart and mind like a guiding light, unwavering and constant.

The noble companions demonstrated this hope when they entered battles far beyond their strength, relying entirely on Allah’s help and reward.

“Do not spread corruption in the land after it has been set in order. And call upon Him with hope and fear. Indeed, Allah’s mercy is always close to the good-doers.” (Surah Al-A‘raf, 56)

“So We answered his prayer, granted him John, and made his wife fertile. Indeed, they used to race in doing good, and call upon Us with hope and fear, totally humbling themselves before Us.” (Surah Al-Anbiya, 90)

Hope in Allah is a powerful force. It gives energy, inspires action, and fuels courage. Even if you have sinned, been dishonest, or missed prayers, always turn to Allah for forgiveness and guidance.

Consider the story of Prophet Yunus (Jonah). He disobeyed Allah and ended up in the belly of a great fish. Yet he did not despair. Amid the darkness, a ray of hope shone in his heart. He trusted that Allah hears even at the ocean’s depths and that He provides a way out in the most challenging circumstances. Prophet Yunus prayed earnestly, saying:

“La ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minaz-zalimin”  (Arabic: لا اله الا أنت سبحانك اني كنت من الظالمين)

“There is no deity except You; exalted are You. Indeed, I have been one of the wrongdoers.”

It was through this supplication that the Almighty granted him salvation.

However, the feeling of hope must always be paired with a sense of fear, which creates balance, like two wings of a bird. If a person has hope without fear, they may become complacent and negligent in practicing Islam.

 

If we carefully examine the verses of the Qur’an, we see that fear and hope are often mentioned together in the same verse:

“Do not spread corruption in the land after it has been set in order. And call upon Him with hope and fear. Indeed, Allah’s mercy is always close to the good-doers.” (Surah Al-A‘raf, 56)

“So We answered his prayer, granted him John, and made his wife fertile. Indeed, they used to race in doing good, and call upon Us with hope and fear, totally humbling themselves before Us.” (Surah Al-Anbiya, 90)

 

“They abandon their beds, invoking their Lord with hope and fear, and donate from what We have provided for them.” (Surah As-Sajdah 16)

 

“Even the closest to Allah of those invoked would be seeking a way to their Lord, hoping for His mercy, and fearing His punishment. Indeed, your Lord’s torment is fearsome.” (Surah Al-Isra, 57)

There are also wonderful hadiths emphasizing the harmony of fear and hope:

“If the believers knew the punishment that Allah can inflict, none of them would dare to hope for Paradise; and if the disbelievers knew the vastness of Allah’s mercy, none of them would despair of His Paradise!” (Muslim)

“The Almighty and Great Allah said: ‘I am as My servant thinks of Me. If he thinks well of Me, I will be for him accordingly; and if he thinks ill of Me, I will be accordingly.’” (Ahmad)

It is narrated from Anas (r.a.) that the Prophet (peace be upon him) visited a young man who was near death and asked him, “How do you feel?” He replied, “I hope in Allah, O Messenger of Allah, and I fear my sins.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “If at such a moment both hope and fear are present in the heart of a servant, Allah will grant him what he hopes for and protect him from what he fears.” (At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah)

Thus, dear parent, when teaching children to build a relationship with Allah, we must recognize that the three primary feelings we should cultivate are love, fear, and hope. Share with your child the verses and hadiths presented in this book. To bring them closer to Allah and deepen their understanding, also study His Attributes. Find a children’s book with the Names of Allah and their meanings, read together, or have the child read it and then explain what they learned, understood, and the conclusions they drew.

This brings us to the conclusion of Chapter Four, where we explored three types of relationships: with oneself, with others, and with Almighty Allah.

Regarding a child’s relationship with themselves, it is vital that they understand that they are inherently wonderful, loved, and valuable. While they are small, carry them, hug them often, and give your love without limits. Remember that showing love is not about buying expensive toys, clothes, trips, or treats. A child feels their worth and importance when their mother is present: looking into their eyes, holding them close, whispering prayers, interacting, and building a close bond. This lays the foundation for a strong inner sense of self.

When the child reaches 5–6 years old, we begin introducing Allah, Islam, and the Qur’an through short stories and simple, child-friendly language. This gradually forms an Islamic identity, helping the child understand: “I am a Muslim, Allah created me, Allah loves and values me, and He has shown me the path to Paradise.”

A child over 10 should actively pursue learning about Islam. The parent should either personally guide their education or find appropriate courses or teachers. Studying Islamic Aqeedah with sound evidence is necessary so that the child can be confident in the correctness of their path and, later, defend Islam clearly and thoughtfully to others. Learning the Qur’an and Hadith strengthens the child’s connection with Allah, continually deepening their fear, hope, and love for Him.

As parents, we must teach our children that conscious Muslims follow the Prophets and Messengers. Our interactions, friendships, and social contacts should promote what is approved and prevent what is disapproved. Otherwise, on the Day of Judgment, people will confront you in fear, asking, “Why did you not tell me?”

This brings Chapter Four to a close. In Chapter Five, I continue to explore social interactions, particularly in schools and public institutions, as they pertain to both parents and children. Following our established tradition, I will close this chapter with words from the book of the Almighty Creator:

“So, continue to remind all, O  Prophet, for your duty is only to remind. You are not there to compel them to believe. But whoever turns away, persisting in disbelief, then Allah will inflict upon them a significant punishment. Surely to Us is their return, then surely with Us is their reckoning.”  (Surah Al-Ghashiyah 21–26)

 

Chapter Five: The Conflict Between Islamic Culture and Secular Society

Chapter Five continues the practical approach of Chapter Four and echoes Chapter One, which presented the challenges without solutions. That was intentional. Before we can find solutions, we need to establish the foundation, which we did in Chapters Two, Three, and Four. Now we understand how to build a strong Islamic personality, provide it with a solid inner foundation, and cultivate a firm connection with Allah. Only then can our children face the challenges and conflicts that await them in a secular society.

Reflecting on Chapter One, the main areas we need to address are:

1. Assimilation pressures: through schools, team sports, long trips, lessons on tolerance and sexual education, as well as issues around salah, hijab, and Jumu’ah.
2. Erosion of Islamic identity, influenced by holidays, the cult of love, freedom, and permissiveness.
3. Interactions with authorities: schools, government offices, and child protection services.

Starting with schools, the key principle is teaching children to stand firm in their beliefs and values. Of course, a young child will find it difficult to resist teachers, counselors, or school administrators. But two powerful factors can help a child do this and give them strength:

1. Strong, clear Islamic beliefs. Why should I endure difficulties or resist societal pressures? Chapters Two, Three, and Four focus entirely on cultivating these beliefs. Regardless of external challenges, you must consistently speak with your children about Allah, His proofs, His attributes, and the certainty of meeting Him. Talk about the Qur’an, its evidences, the purpose of life, the Prophets and the Companions, and the example of Prophet Muhammad. Your home should radiate the atmosphere of Islam and love for Allah and His Prophet. This gives your child an inner anchor, reliance on Allah, and confidence that He is the ultimate helper and protector. Comparing themselves with the Prophet and the Companions provides clear guidance and equips them to remain steadfast in Islam despite external pressures or conflicts.

 

2. A loving and reliable parental support system. Yes, it is crucial. A child’s resilience on the path of Allah, especially while they are young, depends directly on their parents. Stay connected with your child regularly. Hug and kiss them, even at ages 10 or 14, and remind them how much you love them simply for existing, not for accomplishments or behavior. In Turkish, there’s a beautiful phrase: “İyi ki varsın” (“I’m glad you exist.”) For birthdays, they say “İyi ki doğdun” (“I’m glad you were born.”) These expressions convey that a person is valued simply for being. Recently, someone in my competition organizers’ group wrote, “İyi ki varsınız” (“I’m glad you exist”), and that simple phrase brought such warmth and joy, eliciting a sincere smile from me. Remember the story of Prophet Adam’s creation. Allah honored and elevated humans simply for coming into existence.

So, dear parent, you must become a steady, trustworthy support your child can rely on in any situation. How do you build and strengthen this trust?

Have heartfelt conversations. Ask about their day, what they learned, who they interacted with, and what they talked about. But avoid turning it into an interrogation. The child should be willing to share their experiences. Here are some questions to help establish a deeper connection, understand their thoughts, and gauge their emotional state:

1. What was the best moment of your day? (Develops gratitude and the ability to notice positive events.)
2. What mistake did you make today, and what did it teach you? (Teaches that mistakes are part of growth, not shame.)
3. Did you feel proud of someone else today? (Encourages noticing good in others and developing kindness.)
4. What could you have done better today? (Practices problem-solving without negativity.)
5. Who did you help today? (Fosters empathy and participation.)
6. What was the most interesting thing you learned today? (Supports curiosity and learning beyond grades.)
7. What new thing would you like to try? (Encourages courage, creativity, and trying without fear of imperfection.)

These questions transform conversations from formal reports into warm human connections. You’ll learn not only about their day but also what they feel, what they care about, and how they are growing. True parenting is not just about control; it’s about connection. These questions help children develop their personality, emotional maturity, empathy, and inner resilience, while bringing you closer together.

Another important factor in building trust is your openness with your child. Share with them about yourself: how your day went, your feelings, thoughts, and experiences. Explain that the society you live in is not Islamic, and that you are deeply concerned about raising children who are strong, steadfast, and righteous Muslims. Tell them that the system, society, and state often work against this: they do not favor Muslims who wish to live according to Allah’s laws, who reject the permissive lifestyle promoted in secular societies, and who do not wish to adopt its culture.

For this reason, the state often seeks to fully assimilate Muslims, and unfortunately, it succeeds too often. Around us, we see women and girls dressed in ways that barely reflect Islamic values. We see young people committing zina, acting promiscuously, using foul language, and showing no respect to elders or peers. You can, carefully, share the example I mentioned in the preface about children taken from their families and placed with same-sex parents. But do so without frightening your child or making life feel like a nightmare. Your goal is to provide a solid foundation of security, a family fortress where your child is loved, understood, and supported.

Children are inherently pure and good. They tend to believe that the world, especially adults, is always right. Critical thinking begins to develop around ages 7–9. By explaining that there is truth and falsehood, that not all people around are good, and that schools and society may try to shape Muslims to fit secular norms, you prepare them for reality and for the fact that life involves standing firm. You are gradually raising a warrior on the path of Allah, someone who will carry Islam with pride. Your child will not be part of the herd—they will be a shepherd, guiding others.

Dear sister or brother, our top priority is to raise leaders: resilient, confident carriers of Islam who will transform the corrupt reality around us and lead our Ummah from darkness into light. Do not fear bold slogans or ambitious goals. We cannot settle for the mindset of, “As long as my children and I are on the path of Allah, nothing else matters.”

In today’s world, surrounded by widespread kufr and jahiliyyah, often glamorized and actively promoted, conscious Muslims must swim against the current and train their children to do the same. Otherwise, that current will sweep us away quickly, pulling us into the fetid swamps of secular society. There, many Muslims already struggle, and they need our guidance to escape.

Believe me, great power lies in your hands: your influence on your child. History is full of examples of Islamic leaders whose parents literally “programmed” them for success.

For example, the mother of Imam Al-Shafi‘i dedicated her life to raising a scholar of great renown. When he was only three years old, she told him, “My son, I want you to unite the Muslims who are in disagreement.” They lived in a time when divisions among Muslims had spread between the schools of Imam Malik and Imam Abu Hanifah. This young widow, left with a two-year-old son, understood the magnitude of the challenge and, from an early age, prepared him for great achievements. Her efforts bore fruit when he matured, studied the nature of these differences, and united scholars through the science of Usul al-Fiqh, establishing the basic principles and rules that the majority of faqih scholars have followed to this day.

When Hind bint Utba, the mother of Mu'awiya I, was told that her son would grow up to lead his people, she replied: “May I be deprived of him if he becomes leader of only his people!” He went on to become the caliph of a vast Islamic state and ruled successfully for nearly twenty years.

The mother of Imam al-Bukhari became a widow early. After discovering that her young son was blind, she prayed fervently to Allah for his healing. She then saw Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) in a dream, who told her: “O [her name], Allah has returned your son’s sight due to your many prayers.” Allah granted her son a remarkable ability to memorize hadiths from a very young age. She actively supported his education, sending him to various teachers. When he turned sixteen, she moved with her two sons to Mecca so that he could collect hadiths. By the age of eighteen, he was already classifying information about the Companions and their successors, along with their statements.

It is said that once Najm al-Din Ayyub saw his son playing among other children. Being a tall man himself, he picked his son up, lifted him high toward the sky, and said: “I married your mother and had you not so that you would play here among children, but so that you would become the liberator of Jerusalem.” Then he let go, and the boy fell to the ground, feeling pain. The father saw the expression on his face and asked, “Son, does it hurt?” The boy replied: “Yes, father.”

“Why didn’t you cry?” asked the father. The boy answered: “The liberator of Jerusalem should not shed tears.”

Dear parent, recognize the power of your influence and guide your child toward a position of leadership in this world and the next!

Now, let us address the issues listed in Chapter One.

Regarding the challenges and harams that our children face in secular schools, the first step for parents is to make every effort to prevent their child from attending such classes. I understand that success in this may be limited, but it is worth trying to ensure that, at an early age, while their minds and values are still forming, your children are not exposed to lessons that contradict Islam.

If you live in a democratic country, you can make use of the very principles and freedoms these systems proclaim. For example, you may approach school administration with a formal request or statement along the following lines:

Sample Request to School Administration

To: School Administration
 From: (Parent’s Full Name), parent of (Child’s Full Name), class (number)
 Date: (Insert Date)

Dear Sir or Madam,

In accordance with Article (number) of the Constitution of (country), which guarantees freedom of religion, as well as the right of parents to provide religious education to their children, I kindly request your consideration of the following.

Our child practices Islam, and we therefore request that they be excused from participation in classes or activities that conflict with our religious beliefs. Specifically, this concerns: (list specific subjects or activities; for example: classes on Christian rituals, Christmas caroling, sexual education lessons, religious-themed events, etc.)

We greatly value the school’s work and wish to maintain a respectful and constructive relationship. Our goal is for our child to continue learning in a harmonious environment while preserving their religious identity.

Please confirm the exemption from the specified activities and, if necessary, provide alternative assignments or allow the child to attend a parallel class.

Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation.

Yes, this can be challenging. Responses to such requests vary by country, region, administration, and sometimes even the individual teacher. For example, in Crimea, our third-grade teacher responded calmly when my son skipped patriotism-promoting classes, avoided school assemblies with national anthems, or left early on Fridays for Jumu’ah prayer. I had submitted a written request to the administration in each case, and the teacher was relieved of responsibility.

In Western countries, it is often more difficult, as the system is more rigid and freedoms are applied selectively. Nevertheless, we must advocate for our children and for the proper formation of their minds. Try to negotiate with school administration, connect with local Muslim communities, and consult with lawyers or human rights organizations when necessary.

Perhaps Allah the Almighty will open a path for you, and you will succeed in your request, later helping other Muslims in this noble cause. But what if you are unable to secure an exemption, and your child must attend all classes without exception?

Here, the parent’s active involvement in their child’s learning becomes essential. Speak with your child regularly, stay informed about the school curriculum, and prepare for upcoming lessons. Try to have discussions before and after the class. Set a reminder on your phone a day before the lesson to help you prepare.

Why before and after? I remember in school we were often told, “Forewarned is forearmed.” By preparing your child in advance, you help them develop a kind of immunity to harmful ideas. Especially if the teachers are kind and well-intentioned, children tend to accept everything at face value. This can be dangerous! Our goal is not to make the child distrust teachers, but to give them a mental filter so that ideas contrary to Islam do not take root as part of their worldview.

Following the same principles outlined in previous chapters, here are a few points you can discuss with your child. Spread them over several conversations. Take your time: focus on one idea, expand on it, and add your own examples and explanations.

Before sexual education lessons:

●      “You know, soon there will be lessons that go against our religion. They will talk about relationships between boys and girls. I want you to understand that what they teach is not always correct. Only what Allah has revealed is truly right. In these lessons, they may say that boys and girls can touch each other, date, and even kiss. But in Islam, this is forbidden. Close relationships between a boy and a girl are allowed only after marriage. Before that, even touching is prohibited, and casual communication is only for studying or work purposes.”

●      “I want you to understand that by Allah’s will, we live in a country that does not support Islamic values. They want Muslims to be like them: Germans, French, Russians, Americans, and so on. In schools, they teach things that contradict Islam and present them as correct, promoting freedom of will and personal liberty. If during a lesson you feel something isn't right, don’t worry, we will discuss it later. Write down what you notice, and we’ll talk about it in the evening.”

●      “Tomorrow in class, they may talk about love. They will say that it’s wonderful and that you can love whoever you want. Then they may say that you can interact with that person, date, touch each other, please each other, or even live together. (You can even look at the textbooks together if you like.) I want to tell you that Muslims have very different views on love. For us, it is important to follow what Allah commands and live as the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his Companions lived. You may feel attracted to a girl; that is normal for teenagers. I, too, had feelings at your age. But these feelings should not lead you to sin. It would be sinful if you acted on them. If you keep these feelings quietly inside yourself, it is not a problem. Allah will reward you for restraining yourself and not violating His commandments.” (Further in the text, I’ll include hadiths and Qur’anic verses to support your discussion.)

 

●      “You know, we live in a society where wrong ideas and forbidden actions are common. You might think that if everyone does something, it must be right. But that is not true. I mean things like love and casual relationships between boys and girls. You may see children at school or on the street holding hands, hugging, or even kissing. Teachers in sexual education classes may even say that this is okay or good. But in reality, it is not good. In Islam, the relationship between men and women is strictly regulated. The Qur’an has many verses stating that most people are mistaken. Therefore, we should not follow the crowd; instead, we must live according to Allah’s laws and invite others to do the same.”

●      “A smart person is not someone who believes everything they are told right away. No! A smart person is someone who has their own opinion, can analyze, and seeks evidence. Remember when I showed you the proofs of Allah’s existence and the truth of the Qur’an? That is what you can and should believe. And if at school someone teaches something that does not fit our Islamic beliefs, you have every right to disagree.”

●      “Always remember that I am on your side. I will always support you and help you understand any situation. I wish you didn’t have to attend lessons that go against Islam, but unfortunately, sometimes we cannot avoid them. In that case, know that Allah has made this a test for both you and me, and we must face it with patience and dignity. Allah is always watching and wants to reward us for doing what is right. We just need to make the right choices.”

●      “Your value does not depend on what other people think of you. Often, people with weak iman are afraid to be different and start imitating the crowd. This happens because they fear being alone or being rejected. Remember Prophet Ibrahim? He was alone for a long time, calling people to the truth in a society of disbelievers. Was he an outcast? No. For Allah, he was the best friend, Khalilullah, the beloved of Allah. You can also become beloved by Allah, but it is a difficult path. You will face many temptations and must live according to Allah’s commands, not according to what everyone else does. I believe in you! I believe that you can become beloved by Allah, and I will help you on this path.”

By using and expanding on these ideas, you will give your child strong support and prepare them for “navigating a stormy sea.”

After such lessons, guide your child with questions to help their thinking develop in the right direction:

●      What happened in the lesson? What did you notice?

●      What did other children say?

●      Did anything seem strange to you?

●      Don’t be shy, you can tell me everything. I am on your side. 

●      I will not scold or judge you; my job is to help you understand.

●      Did the teacher ask you any personal questions? If they ask for your opinion, you have the right to remain silent: “I do not wish to comment on that.” If you want to speak, do so clearly and confidently: “This is what I think.” Do not criticize or judge others’ opinions.

●      Regarding what the teachers said about men and women: they are partially correct. Yes, such relationships give pleasure and can lead to children, but they do not mention that marriage is required. Without marriage, this becomes a serious sin.

●      Ask your child: “What conclusions did you draw?”

Explain: “Believe me, Allah does not want us to suffer. He created men and women with different natures, made them attractive to one another, and gave clear rules and laws for how they should interact. These rules are the best and most natural. If people follow them, life will be orderly, the heart at peace, and life will be happy. Most importantly, Allah will be pleased with such people.”

I will tell you the main rules from Allah that must be followed to avoid sin.

First: Lowering the gaze.

 

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do.” (Surah An-Nur 30, translation by Abu Adel)

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments except what normally appears. Let them draw their veils over their chests, and not reveal their adornments except to their husbands, their fathers, their fathers-in-law, their sons, their stepsons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, their fellow women, those in their possession, male attendants with no desire, or children who are still unaware of women’s nakedness. Let them not stomp their feet, drawing attention to their hidden adornments. Turn to Allah in repentance altogether, O  believers, so that you may be successful.” (Surah An-Nur 31)

See, many sins begin with a glance. At first, a person simply looks at someone they like. Often, they think about that person, imagine scenarios, and fantasize about being together. Inside grows a strong desire to possess the object of attraction. Hormones are released, prompting action, and that’s when sin can begin. Therefore, the best prevention is to look away and avoid staring.

Second: Avoiding unnecessary interaction.

Interaction is only permitted for Shariah-approved reasons. For example, trade or business (buying or selling something), medical treatment (visiting a doctor of the opposite gender without seclusion), learning, or professional work. Boys and girls should not communicate casually; even simple greetings like “How are you?” can be a prelude to prohibited interaction, so it is best to avoid them.

Third: Avoiding seclusion.

No boy and girl should be alone together in private without a legitimate Shariah reason, as this opens the door to temptation and sin. The Messenger of Allah said:

“A man should not be alone with a woman except in the presence of her mahram.” (Al-Bukhari)

“A man should not be alone with a woman except in the presence of her mahram, and a woman should not travel without her mahram.” After this, someone stood up and said, “O Messenger of Allah! My wife has gone on Hajj, and I have enlisted as a soldier.” The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) replied, “Go and perform Hajj together with your wife.” (Muslim)

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not be alone with a woman except in the presence of her mahram. Indeed, the third among them is Shaytan.” (Muslim)

Explain to your child that Muslims should not be alone in a room, classroom, or office with a member of the opposite gender if there is no one else present.

Fourth rule: Wearing modest clothing. For girls, this includes the hijab and jilbab.

“O Prophet! Ask your wives, daughters, and believing women to draw their cloaks over their bodies. In this way, it is more likely that they will be recognized as virtuous and not be harassed. And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Surah Al-Ahzab 33:59)

This verse commands all believing women to wear a covering, called the jilbab in Arabic. The obligation is further reinforced by the Hadith:

“The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) instructed us during the two Eid festivals to bring out the young girls, the women hidden from strangers’ gazes, and women who were menstruating. These women, while menstruating, did not perform prayer but attended the festival and listened to the call of the Muslims. I said to the Messenger (peace be upon him) that one of us did not have a covering, and he said, ‘Let her sister give her one of her coverings.’” (Muslim)

We see from this that the Prophet did not allow women to go out without a covering, saying, “Let her sister give her one,” indicating the categorical and obligatory nature of wearing the jilbab in public.

In other words, a Muslim woman’s clothing should include a dress and a headscarf. Boys must also observe Shariah guidelines: their awrah (parts to cover) extends from the navel to the knees. Even small boys should not wear shorts that expose these areas.

Fifth rule: Physical contact is prohibited.

This means holding hands, hugging, and especially kissing are forbidden. Yes, I believe it is important to explain this to a child because children tend to perceive things literally and narrowly. Even points that may seem obvious need clarification.

As proof, we refer to the verses about lowering the gaze. While these verses do not explicitly mention physical contact, the principle applies: if the lesser is prohibited, then the greater is prohibited as well. Looking is a minor form of contact, whereas touching is a stronger form. Additionally, in Islam, anything that leads to something forbidden is itself forbidden. This addresses sexual education lessons. 

Now let’s turn to lessons on tolerance and LGBT propaganda.

First, you need to explain what this actually is. It may feel shameful, disgusting, or uncomfortable, but it is necessary to tell the child from a trusted adult’s Islamic perspective, before the school presents it in a misleading way, under the guise of freedom of choice or personal freedom.

I suggest explaining this topic through the story of Prophet Lut, because the people of Sodom and Gomorrah were the first to invent this form of immorality in human history, as the Qur’an mentions. Prophet Lut was sent to a people living in cities near the Dead Sea. These people were great sinners and corrupt. The Qur’an describes their sins as follows:

“Do you commit the greatest sin that no one among the worlds [humankind or jinn] has committed before you? Indeed, you approach men with desire instead of women. You are transgressing all bounds.” (Surah Al-A’raf 80)

“What you do is evil and shameful. You approach men with lust and cut off the path of progeny. You commit corruption on the land and practice indecency in your gatherings, not fearing Allah, being shameless toward each other.” (Surah Al-Ankabut 28)

What does it mean to approach men with lust? As I mentioned earlier, Allah created a man and a woman as a pair and gave them natural instincts for reproduction. For children to be born and for humanity to continue, sexual contact must occur between a man and a woman, but only within marriage.

The people of Sodom and Gomorrah decided that sexual contact between men was permissible, but Prophet Lut warned them that it was strictly forbidden. This is a major sin, yet the people were blinded by their desires and refused to listen to the Prophet.

“But his people’s only response was to say, “Expel them from your land! They are a people who wish to remain chaste!” (Surah Al-A’raf 82)

Because of their stubbornness and perversion, Allah sent a severe punishment upon them. First, a rain of stones fell upon them, each stone striking the person whose name was written on it. Then the angel Jibreel lifted the entire city with one wing and cast it so that it sank into the ground and was flooded by the waters of the Dead Sea.

“When Our command came, We turned the cities upside down and rained down on them clustered stones of baked clay, marked by your Lord ˹O Prophet˺. And these stones are not far from the ˹pagan˺ wrongdoers!” (Surah Hud 82–83)

This story shows us that any sexual perversions promoted today under the guise of LGBT freedom are forbidden in Islam, and there is great wisdom and benefit in these prohibitions for people.

How should you guide your child during lessons where these topics are discussed, and how should they respond to teachers’ questions?

A warning first: if your child openly cites religious prohibitions, it may attract unnecessary attention from child protection authorities. Therefore, teach your child to express personal discomfort without referencing religion or parental rules. Suggested responses:

●      “I don’t want to comment on this topic. It makes me uncomfortable.”

●      “I feel stressed and uneasy hearing this. Can I opt out of these lessons?”

●      “You say that everyone has personal freedoms, so I prefer not to attend lessons about LGBT topics because it causes me stress.”

Regarding tolerance and respect for people with non-traditional orientations, explain to the child that Muslims follow the path of truth prescribed by Allah, and Islam is the correct path. Other paths are misguided. There are many people around who have chosen the wrong path. Ask the child: How should we interact with them? Can we criticize them? How would our beloved Prophet treat them? If you have such an opportunity, try to invite them to Islam. If you do not, then keep your distance from such people.

If directly asked whether you respect people of other faiths (Christians, atheists, Hindus, etc.), respond: “My personal opinion doesn’t carry much weight here; I prefer not to express it.” It may not be the most eloquent phrasing, but it is safe. You can also help your child formulate something better. The point is: do not express agreement with what is forbidden, but also do not express disrespect that could be construed as intolerance or extremism.

When it comes to long-distance trips with overnight stays, there is a subtle danger that is not always immediately obvious. The purpose of such trips is often presented as exposure to culture, history (which is often distorted for political purposes), civilization, ideology, and the country's religion. But these trips also involve prolonged separation from the family and full immersion in a society foreign to ours. In the evenings, after all cultural programs, boys and girls often socialize freely without supervision or limits. Naturally, there will be jokes, teasing, flirtation, and other casual conversations that are not necessary under Shariah. This gradually normalizes such behavior and can subtly influence children to accept it as the standard.

Parents should try to minimize these trips. The refusal can be framed as the child’s personal choice: that they feel uncomfortable being away from family for a long time, that it causes them stress, or simply that it is not their preference. It is important to teach the child to voice this themselves, not as a restriction imposed by parents.

Regarding issues like long trips, mixed seating of boys and girls, wearing the hijab, or performing prayers, we need to instill in children the mindset of “I choose this” or “this is my decision.” To achieve this, a child should be nurtured with a clear Islamic identity, ensuring that choices like ‘I do not want to sit next to a girl’ or ‘I choose to wear the hijab’ are made with confidence, consistency, and faith. How to develop this Islamic personality is discussed in Chapters 2, 3, and 4. In this chapter, we connect theory to real-life situations.

First, when a child understands that Allah created them, gave them life, and will one day take it back, they realize that pleasing Allah is the most important goal in life. School rules and teacher demands become secondary compared to the commands of Allah. This awareness strengthens their resilience in standing by their beliefs.

Second, when the child comprehends that the Quran is a divine instruction for life, with the best laws for humanity to follow, and that they will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment, they will gladly uphold these rules. For example, laws about lowering the gaze or separating boys and girls are internalized as divinely mandated rather than optional social conventions.

Third, when a child has self-confidence and self-respect, they do not fear rejection or what others may say. They know that Allah loves, honors, and elevates them, and that parents are always there to support them. They understand that even Prophets and Messengers sometimes stood alone, yet through steadfastness on Allah’s path, they ultimately found the best companions on the True Path. Even if this means facing misunderstanding or temporary loneliness.

This is a short overview; in reality, every step in life, every decision, and every choice is connected to Allah’s commands and prohibitions. We must help children see this connection, so that the awareness of pleasing Allah becomes a constant companion in life. Inshallah, this will help us stay on the right path, and our children will be strong and steadfast.

 

 

Holidays, Love, and Freedom

With Allah’s help, I now want to discuss three major challenges that strongly affect proper Islamic upbringing: holidays, the exaggerated cult of love, and ideas of freedom and permissiveness that are often instilled in our children in Western societies.

1. Holidays

To begin, it is important to clearly explain to a child what a “holiday” is and the nature of this phenomenon. In Russian, the word праздник (“holiday”) refers to a special day set apart from everyday life. But who defines or assigns this significance? Most often, it is human beings.

As a result, we have an enormous number of holidays with complex origins, many of which come from paganism or ideologies and religions foreign to Islam. In Western culture, widely celebrated holidays include Christmas, Easter, New Year's Eve, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Valentine’s Day. These holidays are marked on a large scale: streets, shops, schools, and homes are decorated; festive atmospheres are created; gifts are exchanged.

For a young child, whose mind is not yet fully developed, these celebrations act as a powerful magnet. Here again, the parents’ task is to prepare the child in advance, helping them understand what these celebrations really represent.

Explain that society and the state are full of disbelief and misguidance. Arm yourself with Quranic verses that speak about the majority of people:

“If you were to obey most of those on earth, they would lead you away from Allah’s Way. They follow nothing but assumptions and do nothing but lie.” (Surah Al-An‘am 116)

“And most of them do not believe in Allah without associating others with Him in worship.” (Surah Yusuf 106)

“The Hour will certainly come; there is no doubt about it. But most people do not believe.” (Surah Al-Muzzammil 59)

“Have they ever reflected on the wonders of the heavens and the earth, and everything Allah has created, and that perhaps their end is near? So what message after this ˹Quran˺ would they believe in?” (Surah Al-A‘raf 185)

“Indeed, We have destined many jinn and humans for Hell. They have hearts they do not understand with, eyes they do not see with, and ears they do not hear with. They are like cattle. In fact, they are even less guided! Such ˹people˺ are ˹entirely˺ heedless.” (Surah Al-A‘raf 179)

What many people do does not necessarily mean it is right. Pay attention to the final verse, where Allah compares the disbelievers to cattle: that is, they are like a herd. We should not be like that. A Muslim is forbidden to participate in, assist with, or approve of the holidays of disbelievers.

“When the Messenger of Allah arrived in Medina, its people had two days of celebration during which they played. He asked: ‘What are these days?’ They replied: ‘These are the days we used to play and enjoy during the time of ignorance.’ The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Indeed, Allah has replaced them for you with two better days: the day of sacrifice (Eid al-Adha) and the day of breaking the fast (Eid al-Fitr).’” (Abu Dawud)

Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “Keep away from the enemies of Allah during their festivals.” (Al-Bayhaqi)

If you think it is harmless for your child to celebrate with friends during their holidays without attaching any significance to the event, you are mistaken. Whatever a parent allows is perceived by the child as correct and normal. Repeated celebrations, decorations, gifts, and joy eventually become part of the child’s identity: they come to see it as the standard.

Resisting the global cultural machinery is difficult, both for you and your child, but always remember Allah’s pleasure, His limits, and His commands. Every step, every action, every decision in life leads either to His pleasure or His wrath; may Allah protect us from the latter.

Before permitting any action or allowing your child to participate in something, ask yourself: What does Allah say about this? If you do not know whether it is allowed, you must seek knowledge to avoid doubt and committing what is forbidden. Actions should never be taken on mere assumption; they must be based on knowledge of what is halal and haram.

Where can you learn the laws of Allah? Every Muslim should have someone reliable and knowledgeable to ask questions. Someone trustworthy, God-fearing, and sincere. It is ideal if this person is a scholar, but it is not necessary. What matters is that they have knowledge or access to knowledgeable sources. In extreme cases, the internet and online Islamic communities can help, as there are many credible Islamic websites and blogs to consult about halal and haram issues.

If your child has already been attending non-Muslim holidays, do not despair or leave it unchecked. Explain that previously you did not understand, but Allah has now granted knowledge, and it is important to stay away from what incurs His displeasure.

In conclusion, Muslims have two blessed holidays, confirmed by Allah: Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha. All other holidays, whether religious or ideological in origin, are strictly forbidden in Islam.

2. The Exaggerated Cult of Love

Another serious problem that often misleads and traps our children in jahiliyyah is the excessively glorified cult of love. Everywhere we turn, we are told that love is a wonderful feeling: something worth heroic deeds, writing books about, singing songs for, and so on.

Pay attention to the lyrics of the songs that top the charts. They often promote immorality, alcohol, casual one-night relationships, drugs, and similar behaviors. For example, “Despacito” by Luis Fonsi (a Guinness World Record for over 8 billion YouTube views) contains such lyrics as:

 "I want to slowly undress you, covering you with kisses,
 Sign the walls of your labyrinth
 And turn your entire body into a manuscript."

“Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran (another record-breaker with 6 billion YouTube views and 4 billion streams on Spotify) contains lyrics:

“The club isn't the best place to find a lover

So the bar is where I go

Me and my friends at the table doing shots

Drinking fast and then we talk slow 

Come over and start up a conversation with just me

And trust me I'll give it a chance now

Take my hand, stop, put Van the Man on the jukebox

And then we start to dance, and now I'm singing like

Girl, you know I want your love

Your love was handmade for somebody like me

Come on now, follow my lead

I may be crazy, don't mind me

Say, boy, let's not talk too much

Grab on my waist and put that body on me”

Maybe I’m bringing up old stuff, but this 90s song has clearly found a new life through cover versions by modern young artists. I’m talking about Mariah Carey’s “My All.” I remember how much we loved this song in my youth. At the time, I didn’t even know about Islam, but it turned out the song’s meaning was far from morally upright.

"I'd give my all to have

Just one more night with you

I'd risk my life to feel

Your body next to mine

'Cause I can't go on

Living in the memory of our song

I'd give my all for your love tonight"

Another “hit” from last year, Gata Only by FloyyMenor,  gained 250 million streams in just one year. The text includes such lines: 

"Ba-ba-baby, come on, get ready for me, follow me.
 You’re, like, for me, and I’m for you.
 Baby, you’re the only one, send me your location.
 Move your butt to the TikTok rhythm.
 This girl ran away with me, and no one at home noticed.
 She had a great time with me tonight.
 Girl, turn on airplane mode on your phone.
 You’re my crazy girl, and I’m your crazy guy.
 Sit on me, and I’ll complete the whole mission for you."

I apologize for these details. I understand it’s unpleasant to read, but if you have children with gadgets and headphones, you need to pay attention to what they’re listening to. Even if the lyrics are in a foreign language and they don’t understand them, I insist that such songs should not be allowed for our children.

A few words about Korean K-pop groups and Russian performers like Miyagi, Johny, Egor Kreed, or Djigan: the overwhelming majority of their songs glorify drugs, casual relationships without responsibility, alcohol, and partying.

The idea of “free love” is a serious problem and cannot be left unchecked, especially with teenagers. What to do and how to act?

First, warn and explain the rules on relationships between the sexes according to Islam, using the ayahs and hadiths mentioned in the previous chapter, where I discussed lessons on love in schools.

Second, build a trusting relationship so your child isn’t afraid to tell you about their romantic secrets. There’s no need to dramatize, pressure, or shame a child for having feelings. Teenage crushes are completely naturaI: I myself had a crush at nine. Tell your child that having feelings is normal, but we must control our emotions and actions, or they may harm us. A crush is harmless if it quietly stays in the heart and you take no action, give no signs of attention, and certainly do not confess your feelings to the object of your affection.

Important! Never belittle a child’s feelings by saying, “It’s nonsense!” For them, it is not nonsense at all. Simply be there as a wise guide, and use the stories of the Prophets or their companions as examples. They are truly inspiring and serve as excellent role models.

For example, the story of the Prophet Jacob shows love and patience. He greatly desired to marry a beautiful woman named Rachel, but to do so, he had to work as a shepherd for 14 years. Read about him and share this story with your children. What a wonderful example of patience and determination!

From the lives of the Companions, we can take the story of Abu Talha.

“When Zayd ibn Sahal, known by the nickname Abu Talha, learned that Rumaysa bint Milhan had become widowed, he literally jumped with joy. This was hardly surprising, since Rumaysa, known as Umm Sulaym, was perfect: chaste, intelligent, wise, and possessed many other admirable qualities. Abu Talha immediately decided to propose to her, before any other man who might desire such a woman could do so. He was confident that Umm Sulaym would never prefer anyone else but him.

Abu Talha was courageous, noble, and wealthy. He was an excellent horseman and a valiant warrior of his tribe, one of the finest archers in Yathrib. On his way to Umm Sulaym’s house, he suddenly remembered that she had embraced Islam after listening to the preaching of Mus’ab ibn Umayr in Mecca. But Abu Talha thought to himself, “So what? Didn’t her late husband follow the religion of his forefathers, opposing Muhammad and his message?”

Upon reaching Umm Sulaym’s home, Abu Talha asked for permission to enter, which she granted. Present in the house was also her son, Anas. When Abu Talha proposed, she replied: ‘Men like you, Abu Talha, are never rejected, but I will not marry you, for you are a disbeliever.’

Abu Talha assumed that Umm Sulaym was making excuses to refuse him because she preferred another suitor, wealthier or more noble. He said to her, 

-       By Allah, that is not what prevents you from becoming my wife, Umm Sulaym!

-       Then what prevents it? She asked.

Abu Talha replied:

-       Gold and silver.

-       Gold and silver?

-       Yes, said Abu Talha.

Then Umm Sulaym said,

-       Truly! I testify before you, Abu Talha, and before Allah and His Messenger, that if you embrace Islam, I am ready to become your wife without any gold or silver. Your conversion to Islam will be my dowry.

After these words, Abu Talha’s thoughts briefly returned to the idol he had made from fine wood, which he worshiped as his personal deity, as was customary among the leaders of his tribe. But Umm Sulaym decided to strike while the iron was hot and immediately asked,

-       Do you not know that your deity, which you worship without acknowledging Allah, has grown from the earth?

-       I know, replied Abu Talha.

Umm Sulaym exclaimed:

-       Are you not ashamed to worship the root of a tree or a stump, making part of it your deity, while another person used another part of it as firewood to warm themselves or bake bread? If you accept Islam, I will agree to be your wife, and I need no other dowry than your Islam!

-       Who will guide me to Islam? He asked.

-       I can do it, Umm Sulaym answered.

-       How?

-       Say the words of truth: the testimony that there is no deity but Allah and that Muhammad is His Messenger. Then return home, break it, and discard it.

With a mix of emotions on his face, Abu Talha pronounced the shahada. He then married Umm Sulaym, and the Muslims spoke highly of this union:

‘We have never heard of a more valuable dowry than the one Umm Sulaym received. She made Islam her dowry.’  (from Stories from the Lives of the Prophet’s Companions, Abd al-Rahman Rafat al-Pasha)

From all this, we understand that love is not inherently wrong if our actions remain within the bounds of Sharia, and it should not be demonized.

The third important rule for parents of teenagers is: “Trust, but verify.”

Not long ago, a mother of one of my students came to me with a problem that once again reminds us to be vigilant, especially in the digital age. Her twelve-year-old daughter had met a romantic interest online, a non-Muslim. They met through a computer game, began communicating privately in chat, and confessed their romantic feelings to each other. He began asking for a photo of her without her headscarf, and she complied…

The parents only realized what was happening when another child noticed the girl talking to someone on the computer at night.

No one is immune to such situations! Yet, as parents, we must explain what is right, build trusting relationships, monitor our children’s thoughts, feelings, and actions as much as possible, and, of course, pray to Allah abundantly, because their straight path ultimately lies in His hands. Only the Almighty guides and strengthens whomever He wills.

Our responsible task is to ensure that the child chooses to live according to Islam on their own, for Allah does not change the condition of a soul unless the person wishes to change it themselves.

Regarding slogans of freedom and permissiveness, this issue is also addressed through love for Allah and His laws. It is also corrected by discussing the right and wrong path, the purpose of life, and the fear of Allah’s punishment.

It is important to explain that their freedom is actually an illusion. People cannot be completely free. Every state and society has laws. The real question is: according to which laws do you want to live?

Here are a few questions I raised in the first chapter, which I now want to answer.

Child asks: “Why can’t I live like everyone else, be free, and act as I wish?”

Answer: Because our life is not given to us for that purpose. Our life is a test: which path will you choose? The path of Allah, or the path of Shaytan? Yes, the people around you may not know the right way, or they may simply choose delusion. Living according to the Lord's laws is not easy. One thing is certain: there are no easy paths to Paradise!

Child asks: “Why can’t I live alone or travel alone? I want to go to Korea, and you can’t stop me!”

Answer: Why not? Allah has given parents authority over their children. I can forbid what may harm your God-consciousness or lead you to sin. If it is a girl, she must always be under the protection of a mahram, a male guardian. Traveling alone is prohibited not by the parent but by the Almighty Creator Himself.

At the conclusion of Chapter Five, I want to cover ways to interact with government institutions, schools, and child protection agencies. Since I am not an expert in this area, I will only highlight a few options that may be useful.

First, muslims are strong through their community (jamaat). This support is invaluable when you move to another country for permanent residence. Try to find a Muslim community in your area and ask questions such as:

●      Have you encountered any problems in public schools related to religious upbringing? Issues with holidays, gender, morality, etc.?

●      Is it possible to officially opt out of classes like sex education, LGBT programs, or mixed-gender activities?

●      Have government agencies ever intervened in family affairs, claiming they were protecting the child? What were the reasons?

●      Are there difficulties in wearing hijab, performing salah, or observing fasting at school?

●      Have there been cases of children being removed from Muslim families? If so, for what reasons?

●      What is the attitude of peers and classmates toward Muslim children? Have there been cases of bullying for religious reasons?

●      Does the community help in crisis situations? How is that support provided?

These questions help you “test the ground” and get a sense of the challenges you might face. As the old saying goes, “Forewarned is forearmed.” Through such conversations, you can also find contacts of Muslim lawyers or human rights organizations. For communication with lawyers or human rights organizations, I suggest the following questions:

●      How is the concept of the “child’s best interest” interpreted in the legal practice of this country? Could religious upbringing be classified as psychological pressure or harm?

●      Can parents legally opt out of school subjects that contradict their religious beliefs without risking legal consequences?

●      At what age does a child in this country have the right to make decisions contrary to their parents’ will, for example, in matters of faith, gender, medical treatment, or lifestyle?

●      Are there lawyers with real experience defending Muslim families in such cases?

●      What mistakes do religious Muslim families most often make that later lead to serious problems with the authorities?

This is a preliminary list. You can add your own questions to explore, making sure to write them in advance.

Here are additional practical steps: document your family’s well-being with photos and videos: trips, walks, happy smiling children. Give your child choices within halal boundaries and everyday matters, like haircuts, clothing, or decorating their room.

If an investigation begins, immediately contact a lawyer and do not give statements without legal counsel. Teach your children to speak from the position of “I want this” or “This is comfortable for me.”

I sincerely wish safety for you, your family, and all Muslims living in the West. May you raise your children according to Allah’s command and cultivate the best generation, like the Prophets and their Companions, who will change this world for the better!

I conclude Chapter Five with Qur’anic verses that command us to protect ourselves and our families from the Fire. This can only be done through teaching, guidance, and, at times, compelling children to obey the Almighty Creator.

"O believers! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, overseen by formidable and severe angels, who never disobey whatever Allah orders—always doing as commanded." (Surah At-Tahrim 6)

 

Chapter Six. The Parent as a Guide or How to Strengthen the Core Within and Build the Environment Around

With the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful, I begin the sixth and final chapter of this book. This chapter will summarize everything we have discussed so far, and I will also share my practical projects, which have been successfully implemented for many years. These projects help create an Islamic environment, both online and offline, and aim to educate children about our beautiful religion.

So, what is the most important thing in raising a child according to Islam?

First and foremost, it is the correct direction. This direction must be clearly and firmly defined by the parents, without compromise! If you do not establish this direction, do not follow it yourself, and do not guide your children toward it, the child will simply “go with the flow,” because that is the easiest path. Children must know that their family lives according to Islam, without mixing in other beliefs, religions, or cultures. If they ask why, this is wonderful. Because in our hands, we have all the evidence that this is the only correct path. You must convey this evidence to your children, encourage them to reflect on it, and periodically check their understanding and mindset.

What is absolutely within the parents’ control is creating the atmosphere in the home. Establishing a stable, clearly Islamic atmosphere at home will naturally and consistently help convey Islamic values to the child, instill correct habits, encourage regular prayers, and promote learning.

I suggest a list of family traditions. Some of these I practice myself regularly, and you can choose what is easy to implement and enjoyable for your family.

Praying fard prayers together at least once a day. This could be Maghrib or Isha. After the prayer, always hug your child, wish that Allah accepts their prayers, and make du’a on their behalf. According to the words of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, the best time for Allah to accept our requests is after prayer.  When the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was asked which du’as are accepted most quickly, he replied: “Those you make in the middle of the night and after the obligatory (fard) prayers” (at-Tirmidhi).

Reading the Qur’an together. We actively practice this during Ramadan. The whole family gathers in one room, each with a Qur’an, and we read half a page in turns. The most knowledgeable among us corrects errors in tajweed. You can adopt this practice every day for half an hour after a joint prayer, or once a week, but regularity is important. This activity will be enjoyable for both children and adults. Patience is key, and do not scold for mistakes, even if they are repeated for the twenty-fifth time.

Nighttime reading. This is a classic. I read to my children before bedtime, and I have a small tip to make your reading even more effective. Before continuing, I ask the children what we read last time. This significantly strengthens memory and helps them build a coherent understanding of the material. Children may resist recalling details because it requires mental effort. But I insisted, saying, “I won’t continue reading until you remember. What’s the use if I read and you forget everything immediately?” Usually, one or two reminders are enough for children to adjust to and recall the material with pleasure, down to the details or names, such as Tufayl ibn Amr al-Dawsi or Sa’id ibn Amir al-Jumahi, the names of Companions mentioned in Abd al-Rahman Rafat al-Pasha’s book.

Another great benefit of nighttime reading is educating children in Islamic knowledge. By selecting appropriate books, discussing what has been read, and analyzing the feelings and motivations of the characters with your children, you make a significant contribution to their character development.

Another good tradition, which I have already mentioned in this book, is the practice of one-on-one time with each child. If you have many children, choose one day a week when you take just one child with you: for a walk and for a heartfelt, personal conversation.

And the last, but very important recommendation in this section is weekly family discussions. Choose one day a week (Friday, for example) when you cook something tasty together or order food the children enjoy, and let them know that after the meal, you will spend 30–40 minutes talking with no phones. Children can also suggest topics or ask questions that interest them.

As for the topics I recommend, you will find many of them in this book, starting from Chapter Two: proofs of Allah’s existence, His laws and order in nature, camels and seas, the Qur’an and its miracles, why it is a pure Book from Allah and how this can be proven, love for Allah, understanding oneself and one’s own value. After you have set the basic foundation—that is, discussed the fundamentals of faith—you can later use these conversations to address provocative questions that a child may encounter in Western society and beyond.

Below, I will list questions and give my own answers from my perspective. Ask your children these questions, but do not rush to answer them. Let the child think, reflect, and suggest their own responses. If they struggle, help them, but not directly, rather through hints. For example: “Remember our previous conversations? Don’t you recall when I explained the proofs?” And so on.

As for answers, do not limit yourself to mine alone. Offer your own versions. Perhaps they will be even better. Here are questions that develop critical thinking in children and prepare them for such challenges:

“Aren’t you afraid of being different from everyone else?”

Possible answer: I’m not afraid at all. What matters to me is being on the right path, not being like everyone else. I am confident that my path is correct, and I have evidence to support it. Even if the majority follows something else, I will remain in Islam because I am certain of it.

Second option: You know, I am a Muslim, and I believe in the Qur’an. Our Book contains many important ideas about this as well. It says: “If you obey most of those on earth, they will lead you astray from the path of Allah. They follow nothing but assumptions and only guess.” Why am I not afraid of being different? Because I want to be the way my Creator wants me to be.

“Why do you think your religion is more correct than others?”

(Important: When answering this question, it is crucial not to insult society or directly say that everyone else is misguided and only you are right.)

Option 1: That’s a very good question, because you’re asking about what is correct. Unfortunately, most people around us don’t even think about whether their path is right or not. They simply live like everyone else, or the way their parents showed them. I know my faith is correct because I have found evidence for it. Are you personally confident that your path is correct?

Option 2: Do you believe that your religion or worldview is correct? What are your reasons for that? I am confident in my religion because my reason has become convinced of it. If you want, I can explain the evidence in detail.

“What if in the future you decide you don’t want to be Muslim anymore?”

Answer: There is no coercion in Islam, but there is the power of conviction. This is a religion for thinking people, and a person can only be truly happy on this path. I don’t know why such a thought came to your mind, but I often ask the Almighty not to let me stray from this path and only to strengthen me upon it.

Second option: This question is usually asked by people who do not know Islam. Why give up this path if nothing better exists in the world? Why abandon Islam when, on the contrary, thousands of people around the world embrace this religion every day?

“If Allah is kind, why does He forbid people from being the way they want to be?”

Answer: Then why is there so much crime in the world? If people were allowed to do whatever they want, complete chaos would follow. The strong would oppress the weak; theft, robbery, violence, and many other crimes would spread simply because that is how people would want to live, and because it would be easier for them. No, absolute freedom is an illusion and a deception. A person is always limited by some laws. The only question is which laws to choose. Choose the laws of the Creator, and you will be happy on the right path.

Option 2: Why do you think you were given this life? What will come after it? What is the purpose of this life? What is its meaning? Do you really think that such a unique, complex, and beautiful creation as the human being was created randomly, simply to live as they please, without purpose or meaning? I don’t think so. Yes, Allah is Kind, and He gave you reason and gave you choice, showing you two paths: the path of truth and the path of misguidance. And He forgives our mistakes and sins, if only we make the right choice.

“Hasn’t science already proven that religion is a thing of the past and that God does not exist?”

Answer: If you want to speak in terms of science, let’s do that. Tell me, is it scientific to believe that something could arise out of nothing? Just like a magic trick: there was nothing, and suddenly boom, the Earth, the Universe, planets, and people appeared. From a scientific perspective, can an object assign its own properties to itself? Why do different metals have different melting points instead of the same one? Who decided that? Or did the metal decide that on its own?

Science studies mechanisms. Physics, chemistry, biology, and astronomy explore the structure of the Universe and the laws of nature. But where those laws and mechanisms came from, science does not address. Every rational person must answer the questions “Where did this come from?” and “Why does it exist?” A book has an author, a code has a programmer, and every law must have a lawgiver.

“Do you really think we’re all going to hell?”

Answer: I don’t know where you will end up. No one knows that. The only thing I can say with certainty is that the choice is in each person's hands. If you want to enter Paradise, then start today by doing the deeds that lead there. Allah is the Most Just. He does not punish people without first warning them.

“Aren’t your parents forcing you to believe? Won’t they punish you if you stop praying or fasting?”

Answer: First of all, forcing someone to believe is impossible. If I could, I would force everyone around me to become Muslims, and I would have a huge family of brothers and sisters, but I can’t. I can only explain, invite, present evidence, and persuade. That is exactly what my parents did. They explained, I became convinced, and I believed by my own free will and choice.

Second, regarding punishment: any good parent raises their children, supervises them, explains the boundaries between right and wrong, and disciplines them when those boundaries are crossed. A parent who neither educates nor disciplines is a parent who does not care what kind of person their child will grow into or what beliefs they will hold.

“Why don’t you celebrate Christmas or Halloween? It’s just for fun.”

Answer: I don’t want to do things “just for fun” or spend my one and only life aimlessly. I want it to be lived correctly and to bring me benefit and reward from my Creator. I do enjoy fun and entertainment, but I prefer to celebrate on my Muslim holidays.

“Why do girls in your religion wear the hijab? That’s oppression!”

Option 1: The laws of God are not subject to debate. He knows better than anyone what is good and what is harmful for us, and how we should dress. I believe that hijab is not oppression but care for purity and dignity. Our girls are queens with a high sense of self-respect. Have you ever seen a queen in a mini skirt, tight pants, or without a head covering?

Option 2: Girls are beautiful. That beauty can be used for good or for harm. If a girl does not wear hijab and dresses revealingly, openly displaying her beauty, boys will look at her as someone frivolous and easily accessible. Will such a girl truly be respected and valued? When she wears hijab, she immediately gains respect and is taken seriously.

“Why can’t you just try smoking, dating, or going to clubs to see if you might like it?”

 

Option 1: Here, you can apply the same answer as to the question about Christmas and Halloween, that life should not be lived “just for the sake of it.”

Option 2: I like my life and my path. Instead of trying something worse, I’d rather choose something better. Try living like a Muslim: doing what is right, learning about Islam, praying, and communicating with God five times a day. What if you like it?

“If you had been born in another country or another family, you would have had a different faith. Isn’t that just a coincidence?”

Answer: “If” is just “if.” Neither you nor I know what would have happened if things were different. What I do know is that life is given to a person so they can make the right choice, and that choice is available to anyone, from any nation and in any place. I am grateful to God that I was born into a Muslim family, that I know why life is worth living, and that I know how to live it correctly.

“Why aren’t you allowed to date? Everyone else thinks it’s normal. Why are you against it?”

Answer: Tell me, do you want to be smart, or do you want to be like everyone else? If you choose to be smart, then you need to ask different questions: What is right, and what is wrong?

“So you’re saying that everyone else is stupid or bad, and you’re smarter than everyone?”

Answer: Not at all. Anyone who lives thoughtfully, reflects on the meaning of life, and searches for what is correct rather than blindly following the crowd is smart too. Not just me 🙂

“If God has already predetermined everything, why even try? You can’t change anything anyway.”

Answer: Yes, God has predetermined everything. But what does that change for you? You don’t know how your life will unfold or what will happen in a minute or an hour. What you do know is that God has forbidden people from eating pork and drinking alcohol. When you walk into a store and see pork sausage and halal sausage, who makes the choice? Isn’t it you? And it is precisely for that choice that you will be held accountable before your Creator.

I understand that these dialogues may not sound very “childlike,” but I believe they are perfectly appropriate for children aged 12 and older. By asking such questions during family discussions and reflecting on the answers together, you will greatly strengthen your child’s thinking skills and help them see the deep and solid connection between our faith, real life, and the challenges within it.

Building the Right Environment

Now I want to draw your attention to society. Yes, the family is the primary foundation of upbringing, but as your child gets older, they will have more contact with the outside world. And no matter how hard we try, society will influence them.

For this reason, the importance of a Muslim environment cannot be overstated. Also, recall the hadiths and verses about the meaning and value of the Islamic jama‘ah that I mentioned in Chapter Four, where we discussed friendship.

But what if your family lives in a secular country where there is no such jama‘ah, or it is far away, or the Muslims nearby live in a way that is far from Islamic? For this situation, I also have several practical recommendations. They are designed for cases where Muslims live near you, even if they do not strictly observe the commands of the Almighty. Even then, it will still be much easier with them than with non-believers.

If you are surrounded only by non-Muslims, the plan of action will be the same, but it will be much more difficult, take much longer, and the success of the mission will be far from guaranteed. So, what do we do to create an Islamic environment for our children?

The most important things are intention and sincere effort on this path. No less important is the danger that you yourself will dissolve into this society, rather than leading it forward. Therefore, be very attentive. Watch your thoughts, feelings, and actions so that they always correspond to Islam.

As you begin communicating with people, you may notice their good qualities and soften. I mean thoughts like: “These people are already good; I can just communicate and be friends with them without trying to change anything.” But changing people, their way of thinking, and their lifestyle, is titanic work. Without exaggeration, this was the mission of the Prophets and Messengers, and today it rests upon us as conscious Muslims. Why am I saying all this? Because forming an Islamic jama‘ah around yourself requires effort and da‘wah (calling to Islam). You already have the knowledge for this.

That means: you get to know neighbors or the parents of your children’s classmates, and after initial communication and a kind of “diagnosis,” you begin inviting them to take Islam seriously. If they are not Muslims, then to embrace Islam.

Here’s a practical plan of action. Step one: Find at least three families with children with whom you will communicate with and invite to Islam. This will be your starting trio. You need to convey to them the importance of creating a healthy environment for your children.

Conversations should focus on Islam, the Qur’an, the Day of Judgment, the pleasure of Allah, and the meaning of life. I have a separate book dedicated to these themes (search by the author’s name). You can also take topics and phrases for discussion directly from this book.

Step two. When parents begin to incline toward Islam and agree with your arguments, arrange small joint actions aimed at the Islamic upbringing of your children. (If, after six months of regular communication, presenting evidence, and inviting, people do not incline or agree, look for other families.)

It is very important to agree on regular meetings, preferably once a week. For example, on Sundays at 2:00 p.m. A very effective reason many people readily agree to is Qur’an reading lessons for children and adults. For many years, I held such events for neighborhood children, and I always included teaching about Islam, because reading the Qur’an alone does not shape a person’s worldview.

Step Three. After 1–2 months of regular classes, add a monthly family gathering. This could be a picnic, a shared breakfast or lunch, or tea with sweets in the park. The goal is to discuss Islam, parenting, and holiday preparation, including Ramadan.

Create a group chat for your jama‘ah right away and distribute responsibilities so that the burden does not fall on one person alone. Let someone manage the chat, someone prepare discussion topics, someone work with the children, and someone take care of food. If possible, perform congregational prayer together, adults and children, and take turns reading the Qur’an. Those who can read do so; the others listen. This will be additional motivation to learn.

This is an approximate plan. You can change and adapt it to your own circumstances. The most important thing is not to ignore the issue of an Islamic environment for your children. Otherwise, the likelihood that they will gradually dissolve into the surrounding society increases manyfold.

My Projects, Shared with Joy

And the last thing I want to share with you in this chapter is my successful projects that help educate children, strengthen the jama‘ah, and raise a new generation of conscious Muslims who will revive our Ummah, in sha Allah.

The first is a children’s Islamic intellectual competition
The second is my original course, “The Young Thinker”
The third is the Heart Strengthening Club

Two of these projects can be completed both online and offline, while one is offline-only. I will begin with that one.

I invite you, dear sister or brother, to organize in your local area a children’s Islamic intellectual competition called “Read! In the Name of Your Lord!”

The goal of this project is to encourage children to read books about Islam, including Qur’anic Tafsir, the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, stories of the Companions and other Prophets, hadith, and rules of worship. The age group is intentionally selected so that children can already read independently, without asking their parents to read for them. This is the age from 9 to 13 years.

If such competitions are held during every school holiday, within just one year, you can achieve significant improvements in children’s knowledge and understanding of their religion. If this idea resonates with you, I will gladly share my experience and all materials free of charge. You can contact me on Instagram: @elza.sadika. In this book, I will outline the basic principles to further motivate parents to organize such beneficial initiatives.

First, find like-minded people who will form the organizational team and distribute responsibilities. Then find a suitable venue and set a date. This should be done 1.5–2 months in advance. After that, inform the parents of children aged 9–13 about a great opportunity to participate in a children’s Islamic intellectual competition and begin accepting applications. Typically, we gather 25–30 children per competition. To keep children motivated, we give small gifts to every participant and reward the winners with more valuable prizes or cash.

How do children prepare? Our project has a website: konkursoqu.com. There, we post reading materials, announcements, and photo reports. However, since the main goal of the competition is to encourage reading books, you should recommend specific books based on what Islamic literature is available in your area.

What is the competition format? Over 8 years, we tried three different formats: tests, rapid quizzes, and team games. The most effective format turned out to be intellectual quests.

The competition consists of two rounds. During the first round, each participant visits five thematic stations: Seerah, Tafsir, Companions, Prophets, and ‘Aqidah or Fiqh. At each station, the child picks a card and answers 10 questions on that topic. Based on the results of the first round, six participants advance to the second round.

During the second round, participants face more complex questions that require detailed answers. Three winners are selected 🎉At the end of the event, there is food for everyone!

Children are happy and parents are satisfied; the organizers receive a great reward from Allah and are motivated to continue reading valuable and meaningful books. This was a brief overview. For full details, contact me personally (my email and Instagram account will be listed at the end of this book) and visit konkursoqu.com.

The second project I want to share is my original course, “The Young Thinker.” I can confidently say that this is a successful project with many positive reviews. It has been running for nearly two years and has involved over 100 students.

I personally teach children online in groups twice a week. This project can also be implemented offline, as it consists of PowerPoint presentations that can be shown on a TV or computer to a group of children.

The goal of the project is to teach children to think, reflect, and analyze information, so they can understand Islam independently and be firmly convinced of its correctness. I conduct lessons at a calm pace, explaining topics, presenting evidence, and asking guiding questions to stimulate the children’s thinking. Here is a brief course program:

Module 1: Conscious Faith in the Creator

●      Understanding the existence of the Creator through rational evidence

●      Reflecting on the order of the world and the laws of Allah

●      Getting to know Allah more closely by studying His Attributes

●      Learning how to build a relationship with Him and maintain a balance between fear and hope

●      Actively challenging false beliefs

●      Games: Rhetoric, Memo: Pillars of Islam and Iman

Module 2: The Qur’an and Faith in the Prophets

●      Why the Qur’an is the true Word of Allah

●      Studying the history of the revelation of the Qur’an

●      A detailed analysis of four key proofs:

1.    The Qur’an has remained unchanged for over 1400 years

2.    Its unique linguistic style, beyond human ability

3.    The challenge issued to all of humanity until the Day of Judgment

4.    The integrity and consistency of the Book: absence of contradictions, and its ability to address all human needs

●      Who the Prophets are and why they were sent

●      Stories of the Prophets Adam, Idris, Nuh, Salih, and Hud as life lessons

●      Learning to draw conclusions

●      Activities: quizzes, creative discussions, rhetoric

Module 3: Continuing the Stories of the Prophets

●      Lut, Ibrahim, Ismail, Ishaq, Yaqub, Yusuf, Dawud, Sulaiman, Zakariya, Yahya, Yunus, Dhul-Kifl, Ilyas, Al-Yasa, Isa, Musa, Harun, Ayyub, and Shuayb

●      Children are assigned to read a Prophet’s story in advance

●      During lessons, students actively participate, share knowledge, and analyze the stories

●      Interactive games on the website and quizzes

Modules 4–5: Seerah, The Life of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ

●      The life of the Prophet ﷺ from birth to death

●      Lessons are conducted in an interactive format

●      Each lesson covers a small segment that children read in advance

●      Each child receives a specific question to present during the lesson

●      Battles, decisions, relationships with people: how his example guides us today

●      Reinforcement through interactive games on the Wordwall platform

Module 6: Stories of the Companions

●      10 promised Paradise: Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, Ali, Talha, Zubair, Abdurrahman, Saad, Saeed ibn Zaid, and Abu Ubaidah

●      Other Companions: Tufail ibn Amr, Khalid ibn al-Walid, Alaa ibn al-Hadrami, Ikrima ibn Abu Jahl, Ka’ka ibn Amir, Khadijah bint Khuwailid, Aisha, Umm Salama, Fatimah, Mus’ab ibn Umair, Abdullah ibn Abbas, Zayd ibn Thabit, Abdullah ibn Mas’ud, and Hudhayfah ibn al-Yaman

Module 7: Foundations of Islamic ‘Aqidah

●      Detailed study of end-time events and the Day of Judgment

●      Angel Israfil, resurrection of the dead, accountability, the scales, the Sirat bridge, Paradise, and Hell

●      Death, ajal (appointed time), its causes and consequences, and how souls are taken

●      Correct understanding of destiny and divine decree

●      Rizq, wealth, and poverty from the Islamic perspective

●      The Pillars of Islam: shahadah, prayer, fasting, zakah, and hajj

At this stage, children are given assignments to find hadiths or Qur’anic verses on specific topics (prayer, hajj, wealth, angels, etc.), teaching them how to seek authentic knowledge from primary sources.

Module 8: How Do We Learn the Laws of Allah?

●      The four sources of Islamic law

●      The science of Tafsir

●      The science of Hadith

●      Who is a mujtahid?

●      What are madhhabs?

●      Taqlid

●      Causes of Strength and Decline of the Islamic State. Events in the Islamic Ummah: Palestine, Syria, China, Crimea, Russia, and others.

If this project has sparked your interest and you would like to receive materials for lessons with your children, with a group, or even for conducting paid classes, feel free to contact me. I will provide the presentations free of charge 🤗

The third project, which, in sha Allah, can bring great benefit if implemented, is a reading club called “The Heart Strengthening Club.” I originally ran it for women online, but it can easily be adapted for children and conducted both online and offline.

The club's format is very simple. Once a week, the facilitator provides reading material: a PDF file, a book excerpt, or an interesting article of 15–20 pages, designed to be read in 20–30 minutes. Participants read the material and then share their impressions, reflections, and conclusions in audio format. You can also introduce a rewards system for children. For women, I created a progress table with hearts or cacti to indicate whether the assignment was submitted on time.

As I conclude Chapter Six, I want to offer a short reminder to you, dear sister or brother.

Perhaps after reading this book, you are thinking: That’s so much to do! Congregational prayers, family discussions, outreach to neighbors, competitions, lessons, projects: it all seems too difficult and time-consuming.

Yes, time is one of our greatest tests. How will we use it? Some spend it on social media, games, endless scrolling, TV series, daily routines, or chasing money. Others spend it on conversations, prayers, da‘wah, competitions, lessons, and meaningful projects.

Our lives, our time, and our children are an amanah given to every person. Very soon, you will be separated from all of this, and on the Day of the Great Judgment, you will read the book of your own deeds. And then you will either rejoice or grieve. Choose, while you still have the opportunity.

“As for those who are given their record in their right hand, they will have an easy reckoning and will return to their people joyfully. And as for those who are given their record ˹in their left hand˺ from behind their backs, they will cry for ˹instant˺ destruction, and will burn in the blazing Fire.”  (Surah Al-Inshiqaq, 7–12)

 

Conclusion

Once, while studying the tafsir of Surah Al-Fatihah, I learned a beautiful metaphor that stayed with me for life. I often share it during lessons and gatherings, and I decided that it would be a perfect way to conclude this book.

Islamic scholars compare true faith to a bird: Its head is love, one wing is hope, and the other wing is fear. This concept is clearly evident in the first three verses of Surah Al-Fatihah.

When we say, “All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of all worlds,” we glorify Allah and exalt Him, expressing love and reverence. This is the main feeling and the clear direction of life: the head of the bird.

When we say, “The Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate,” the heart of a Muslim fills with hope: hope for forgiveness, mercy, and that in the end there will be a reward in the form of eternal delight in the Gardens of Paradise, and the greatest joy of all: that the Almighty Lord is pleased with you.

And the third, essential feeling that creates the right balance is fear. This feeling arises when we recite the verse, “Master of the Day of Judgment.” Who is a Master? He is the Sovereign, the Absolute Ruler, capable of all things. He has the power to punish or to forgive, and no one can change His decision.

With this balance, the bird gains a steady, precise, and well-balanced flight through life, moving in the right direction.

Can we grow such wings and such a head in our children? No. This can only happen voluntarily and personally. But what we can do is grow these wings within ourselves and show our children how it is done.

Dear sister, respected brother! You cannot give your child what you do not possess yourself. If you want to raise righteous, God-conscious, steadfast Muslims, strive for that level yourself and lead your children by example. With the help of Allah, you will succeed.

The fact that you have read this book to the end speaks of a strong desire to raise righteous offspring. Begin by applying one or two recommendations from this book, those that resonate with you most. Take small steps, stay consistent, and you will see results within just a few months. Children learn quickly, especially when our religion is the best, most natural, and most comprehensible for every rational person.

I ask the Almighty Lord to help every parent raise wonderful children who will love Allah and His Messenger more than anything in this life. Children who will strive for the eternal life and the blessings of Paradise more than for the riches of this world. Children who will carry the call to Islam confidently and courageously, despite societal pressure, and who will revive the Islamic Ummah and elevate it for the benefit of all humanity. Allahumma, Ameen.

“In the Name of Allah—the Most Compassionate, Most Merciful. All praise is for Allah—Lord of all worlds, the Most Compassionate, Most Merciful, Master of the Day of Judgment. You ˹alone˺ we worship and You ˹alone˺ we ask for help. Guide us along the Straight Path, the Path of those You have blessed—not those You are displeased with, or those who are astray.”  (Surah Al-Fatihah, 1–7)

P.S. If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a review on Amazon or another platform, because the one who points to good is like the one who does it. You can find the book by the author’s name.

 

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